What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? Why?
The hardest decision I’ve ever had to make was deciding to move back to Michigan as my separation/ divorce was unfolding while X1 and Kid 1 stayed in South Carolina.
I was under-employed at the time and wasn’t making enough money to get my own place. I had left teaching 2 years prior and, to get recertification in South Carolina would have taken longer than it would have to get my certificate updated in Michigan. Since I didn’t have many friends, other family or any support network of any kind there, I made the decision to move back to Michigan.
I know coming back to Michigan was the right decision at the time; but sometimes I wonder if I should have just lived out of my car until I could get back on my feet. Of course, had I done that, I never would have met X2. Likewise, Kid 2 never would have been born.
I love Kid 2 with every fiber of being, as I equally love Kid 1. And while I know I’m providing better for kid 1 than I ever would have had I stayed down there, sometimes I think Kid 1 got the shit end of the deal in this whole divorce situation.
To this day, 11 years later. I still feel intense guilt over coming back to Michigan. I guess that the Catholic boy in me. I have to remind myself that it is possible or to do the right thing for the right reason; have it hurt like hell and still feel intense guilt over it. Even now, I’m choking back tears just writing about this.
I would have loved nothing more than to have the wife, kids and house in the suburbs with a two-car garage; but I’ve come to terms with the fact that that wasn’t in the cards for me. I’m not spewing sour grapes here; and I realize that there are a lot of people who end up FAR worse than i did after my divorce.
My family is me and the boys. If someone (and her kids) enters my life and becomes a part of that equation, great. If not, that’s okay too. but nothing is ever going to change the connection between me and my boys. Yes, technically they’re “half-brothers” but even that doesn’t matter
Having gone through a divorce – and another failed long-term relationship, has really forced me to re-examine my view of marriage, family and even religion over the years.
There’s a part of me that almost hopes that I don’t get remarried. I’ve been reading a listening to a lot of men’s stories these last few years – talking about their experiences with divorce and the way a lot of men (myself included) sacrifice a part of their happiness when they marry. I want my boys to realize that marriage isn’t the end-all, be-all of human existence. I want them to realize that they can be happy, feel fulfilled and complete even if they don’t get married.
But you get the idea. Even though you know, in the moment, something is the hardest decision you’ll ever make, even though you know it is going to have a profound impact upon your life; you can never fully understand the shockwaves that it’ll send throughout your future.
What was the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make. Why?
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The article “Going home” first appeared on Rebuilding Rob
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