Rebuilding Rob

That thought occurred to me a few minutes ago.

I’ve known it. I’ve always known it. But I think just now was the first time that I ever strung those words together in that particular sequence creating that particular thought.

This is something I’ve talked about with Lomax a lot over the years. It took me some time to really understand my behavior, and why I was doing it.

To be more factual, my divorce was really a perfect storm of several factors. Maybe the worst of those was my anxiety, having to go, and being with someone who was unsupportive it completely was and I don’t say that to you throw one under the bus. After all, how can one support someone with something when one doesn’t even know what their partner is dealing with?

Communication breakdown

Someone asks me “what happened in your marriage?” this is typically my go-to answer. Not because I’m trying to be flippant about what really went wrong; but rather because there’s just a lot to unravel there. Nevertheless, when my anxiety got the best of me, I stopped talking to X1. I stopped telling her things.

Really I think the moment it happened, and I remember the exact day, but I remember one time coming home from work and I was just complaining about my day, the way that people complain about their workday other partners. And her response was “ I really can’t handle you bitching right now”. Not complaining, mind you. She said “bitching”. To me, the wording has a much more negative connotation than even the word “complaining“. Her telling me that; her using those particular words, told me that she really didn’t want to hear what was going on with me. So I stopped telling her.

A People pleasing martyr

I try to be a nice guy. In fact, I try to make people happy. But historically, there have been times where I’ve taken people pleasing way too far. During my marriage, I got two point where I would rather one thing I screwed up, rather than telling her that we were having problems, I would say something like “I goofed up, balancing the checkbook” or something to that effect.

At the time, I would have rather let her think that I was a fuck-up then to let her know we were having trouble. I guess in my own way, that was me trying to be a man: me trying to say “we got this, I’ll take care of it.

It took me a long time to recognize that only that I do that, but to really understand my thought process behind it. Even today, it’s something that I have to constantly remind myself about: just tell them. Rip off the proverbial Band-Aid. Honesty really is the best policy.

OK. So I realize that my anxiety alone did not ruin my marriage. But it certainly was a mitigating factor. the fact of the matter is, the extent of my anxiety was where it was at that particular point in my life. Like everything else. Being away from home. Being where X1 was in her life made for, as I said before, the perfect storm. Even searching for a photo for this blog posting just now, I realized how many resources are now available online for dealing with anxiety in a marriage.

But you have to admit that “my anxiety ruined my marriage“ was a pretty catchy title. 

Thanks for stopping by Rebuilding Rob. Be sure to like, comment and subscribe to my blog below. It’s greatly appreciated! Also, feel free to follow me on social media as well! Check out my most recent posts as well as some earlier, related posts:

• Rob’s Retro Movie Review: This is Spinal Tap (1984) – The Movie That Scaled to Eleven
• A Death in the Family (And My Disposable Income): My Life in Comics
• The Supporting Cast: Navigating the Eras of Male Friendship
• Life is What Happens: A Look Back at My Non-Existent 2025 Vision
• The Moment I Walked Inside a Hallmark Movie

The article “My Anxiety Ruined My Marriage” first appeared on Rebuilding Rob .