What advice do you give others but rarely follow yourself?
In my classroom, I have a go-to phrase for students who are dodging accountability: “Part of growing up means that sometimes you have to do things you don’t necessarily want to do.” I say it to encourage responsibility, but lately, the “Tricorder” is pointed back at me. I’m realizing that for a long time, I was the one dodging the hardest parts of growing up—not the bills or the chores, but the weight of being direct.
The Sword I Used to Fall On
For most of my life, my non-confrontational nature wasn’t just about “being nice.” It was a survival mechanism that turned into a trap. I was such a people-pleaser that I would rather a partner be disappointed in me than disappointed by the reality of our situation.
If money was tight and we couldn’t afford dinner, I wouldn’t just say that. I would take us out anyway, then “fall on the sword” later, claiming I’d screwed up the finances just to keep them from feeling the sting of the truth. I chose to be the villain in my own story just to keep an artificial peace.
I know now that’s a dark, twisted place to be. If you’re with someone you can’t be honest with about the struggle, you don’t actually have a relationship—you have a performance.
The Armor is the Man
I’ve always called it “Teacher Armor”—that state of mind that allows me to command a room and address behavior. But the truth is, the armor doesn’t have a seam. If I see a kid acting up in public, the teacher in me comes out. I don’t bite my tongue anymore.
“Teacher” isn’t just a job I do; it’s who I am. And that identity is finally helping me bridge the gap in my personal life. I’m learning that being assertive isn’t “mean”—it’s a form of the same accountability I expect from my students.
Midwinter Break: Taking Off the Mask
Ironically, my school is on midwinter break this week. The bells won’t ring, and the “official” armor gets a rest. But as I handle the “adult” tasks I’ve inherited—like managing my mother’s bills—I’m reminding myself of my own advice.
I’m working with my counselor, practicing new strategies, and consciously choosing to be direct. It’s a work in progress, and I still have to remind myself to breathe through the discomfort. But I’m done falling on the sword for people who wouldn’t pick up a shield for me.
Growing up means doing the hard things—and sometimes, the hardest thing of all is simply being honest.
Realizing you’ve been the villain in your own story just to keep the peace is a heavy pill to swallow. Are you still falling on the sword for someone who wouldn’t pick up a shield for you? Maybe it’s time we all start following our own advice. I’d love to hear your thoughts below.
Thanks to Eric Fulton for this writing prompt. Eric is the geo- tracking mastermind of Eric Fulton’s blog. If you haven’t seen his blog yet, check it out!
Today’s post is inspired by the WordPress Daily Prompt. While I’ve taken the topic in my own direction for the Road to 1,000 Days, you can find more responses to today’s prompt HERE.
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The article “The Armor and the Sword: Learning to Adult for Myself” first appeared on Rebuilding Rob.
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