Rebuilding Rob

Thanks to Eric Fulton for this writing prompt. Eric is the geo- tracking mastermind of Eric Fulton’s blog. If you haven’t seen his blog yet, check it out!

What happens when you finally stop chasing approval?

When you finally stop chasing approval, you find a new kind of peace. You begin living as your authentic self. When you’re no longer seeking—or even interested in—the validation of others, you finally become comfortable in your own skin. It’s a liberating feeling to realize you no longer care what the “gallery” thinks of you.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately while working on the “Bugs and Boundaries” episode for the podcast. A friend once told me something that has stuck with me: there are only two things in this world you truly control:

1. How you treat other people.

2. How you react to how they treat you.

We have no control over how people perceive us. Trying to impress everyone is an exercise in futility; if we’re performing for an audience, we aren’t being authentic. We’re living a lie.

I’ve often looked for role models who embody this “what you see is what you get” energy. I think of characters like Chief O’Brien from Star Trek. He’s the “salt of the earth” type—confident, comfortable, and entirely without airs. He isn’t trying to be a hero for the history books; he’s a man who is certain of his own value and his own work. He is exactly who he presents to the world, and there is a profound strength in that kind of simplicity.

That’s the liberation: knowing you will never please everyone 100% of the time. No matter what you do, you’re going to piss someone off. There’s a quote I’ve shared on this blog before: “No matter what you do, you’re going to be the asshole in someone’s version of the story.” It takes a massive swallow of pride to accept that. I saw it play out in my siblings’ divorces, and I knew it was coming for me, too. I knew that people would inevitably take sides and that I had zero control over the narrative they chose to believe. I had to let go of the urge to “correct the record.”

When I say I can “sleep at night” now, I don’t just mean physical rest. I mean that the internal second-guessing has stopped. Like many people, I am my own worst critic, and I’ve spent years beating myself up over past choices. But when it comes to my divorce and the end of my relationship with X2, I know I did everything I could to make them work. There is nothing left to second-guess.

Someone can call me the “asshole” in their story, but I know the truth of my own effort. I’m choosing Option C—I’m choosing myself.

Thanks for stopping by Rebuilding Rob. Be sure to like 👍, comment, and subscribe below. It’s greatly appreciated! Also, feel free to follow me on social media and check out my recent posts!

• The Peace of Being the Villain
• The Pressure Valve
• Rob Reads: The Dignity of the Private Practice
• The Functional Gap
• Rob Reviews: Star Trek: Starfleet Academy, episode 8 “Life of the Stars”

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The article “The Peace of Being the Villain” first appeared on Rebuilding Rob.