Enhancement vs. Definition: The Case for Finding Yourself First

As WordPress continues to recycle old prompts, I pulled another prompt from The Coffee Monsterz Co to respond to today

What do you think about being highschool sweethearts versus meeting a partner later in life?

High school sweethearts are an incredibly rare thing—and I think they’re becoming even rarer as time moves on. That isn’t to say it can’t work. My aunt and uncle were high school sweethearts and stayed together until the day he passed away. I also know a couple from high school; they graduated a year behind me, and today, they are married. I assume they stayed together all through college, and knowing them, I’m not surprised they made it.

The College Laboratory

With that in mind, however, I think most people are better off meeting their partners later in life—or at least later than high school. For some, high school is the pinnacle, and everything beyond that is downhill. To those people, I always say: “You’ve never been to college.”

There is no other time in a young person’s life quite like those years, when you have so much freedom and so few obligations. First and foremost, I don’t believe people are fully mature at eighteen. Yes, some mature faster than others, but the overwhelming majority of us are still acquiring the tools to deal with day-to-day stressors. Let’s face it—this isn’t the Middle Ages. We aren’t living in a time where the average lifespan is 30. We have time to grow.

College is a great laboratory experiment. It’s a time when you start finding your footing and gaining independence. If you settle down too early, you might be limiting yourself simply because of how many new people and perspectives you encounter once you leave home.

Finding Peace in the “Tween Years”

By spending time alone, people forge their own unique identity. They realize they don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy; they learn how to find peace within themselves. In the past, I’ve thrown myself so deeply into relationships that I lost my identity along the way. But I’ve learned an absolute truth: Relationships aren’t meant to define your life; they’re meant to enhance it.

It’s funny how time sharpens your perspective. I looked back and realized I tackled this exact prompt one year ago today. While my stance hasn’t changed, my understanding of why it matters has deepened significantly. A year ago, I was looking at the ‘great unknown’ of growth; today, I’m living the ‘Option C’ reality of it.

High school sweethearts vs. finding love later in life

Enhancement, Not Definition

Back in my 20s, I thought I needed a relationship to give my life meaning. I would have told you I felt “incomplete” without a partner. It’s easy for me to look back at 52 and laugh at that now. I’ve done the relationship thing. I’ve been married, I’ve been divorced, and I have two amazing kids.

If my relationship status defined my life, I’d have to look at myself right now as an object failure. But I don’t feel like that at all. There was a time when I did, but not anymore.

Relationships are good, and they are important, but they aren’t the metric for a successful life. Choosing yourself and finding your own identity—whether that happens in a college dorm or decades later—is the real “pinnacle.”

Today’s post is inspired by the WordPress Daily Prompt. While I’ve taken the topic in my own direction for the Road to 1,000 Days, you can find more responses to today’s prompt HERE .

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AI art created with Google Gemini

The article “Enhancement vs. Definition: The Case for Finding Yourself First” first appeared on Rebuilding Rob.