I couldn’t resist using that title…
I had another interview on Thursday. This was for a job that I never even applied for – though it was in the same district that I interviewed with 2 weeks ago. I got there 15 minutes late, though that was because of an accident on the freeway. Still, i felt like I left myself more that enough time to get there should I run into any traffic snafus; and yet, late I was.
In spite of my lack of punctuality, I felt like the interview went alright. Looking back, I probably would have changed an answer or two in the interview, but I don’t feel as if I said anything that would have sunk me. But then, they haven’t called me back, so who knows.
I’m not sure I would have even wanted to take the job had it been offered to me. It’s two hours away from where The Auteur and I are living, In fact, it’s closer to my parents than it is to us. But the fact is, a job is a job and I need a job. Badly.
Well, it has happened. Child support has finally started being pulled from my paychecks. I still think my payments are based on what I was making when I was teaching full-time. God knows they can’t be based on what I’m making now. But there are steps I can take to have child support re-evaluated. I just have to do it.
The last 72 or so hours have been tumultuous. I’ve been racking my brain over this divorce settlement – trying to sort out the terms I can live with; the terms that infuriate me to the point that I have no choice but to demand more from; the terms that bother me on principle; and the terms that I have to simply accept for the sake of both my immediate and long-term happiness.
To make matters worse, Jabba is now saying she wants the kid back on December 28; essentially giving her the entire second week of his winter break. This despite her saying she wanted me to have him for the majority of his break. If she wanted to simply switch weeks, I could live with that. I don’t understand the need for her to phrase it as if she’s giving me Christmas as some major self-sacrifice. By this time next year, I am fully confident that the divorce will firmly be in place. Once it is, I’ll proceed strictly by the terms of the final order. No more favors. No more flip-flopping weeks (I say that now).
I talked to LeRoy about the final divorce order last night and he really helped put things into perspective. He reminded me that I’ve got to think in terms of the overall bigger picture. Trying to fight some of these smaller issues on principle could start opening up other proverbial cans of worms that I don’t want to get into – largest among them back child support. Virtually everyone agrees that I got a good deal with child support – and I don’t want to rock the boat, so to speak. Basically, I have to pick and choose not only my battles, but my acceptable losses as well.
Last but not least, I cannot thank The Auteur enough for all of her love and support through this process. If there’s any one trait of hers I’m trying to pick up, it is her ability to compartmentalize things (for the lack of a better word) She has an ability to not let the random bad things that happen sabotage and otherwise good day. I wish I was more like her in that regard. Needless to say, I am still a “work in progress” in that area, but I am trying. Like all couples, we disagree and fight at times, but we always have each others backs. We love each other and are definitely in this together for the long haul.
Earlier in the evening I talked with my Mom about the whole Christmas break switcheroo. She reminded me at The Kid’s age, Christmas is THE important holiday and it really is important to have it with him and that I need to – again – think of the bigger picture.
I wasn’t really happy at the end of the conversation with Mom. I was feeling quite defeated actually. At that point, one would think that the talk I had with LeRoy would only make me feel even worse; but a strange sense of calm came over me. I think I have finally reached the point that this divorce ruling is something I can live with. I’m not sure how it happened, or when; but I’ve think I’ve truly come to terms with this whole thing.
- Don’t forget your 30 pieces of silver. (dalrock.wordpress.com)
I’ve been struggling for the last several days with a topic for this – my 100th blog entry. Recent developments in my ongoing divorce have however forced my
I wrote previously about the STBX’s recent decision to prohibit me from seeing The Boy until there is a separation agreement in place. A few days afterward, I realized that I needed to have her admit, in writing, what she was doing. Here is a snippet of said e-mail from me:
I figured this was straight-forward, if not diplomatic. I simply asked if this was the conversation as she recalled it as well. Here is the response I got:
That’s not a denial, is it? You’ll notice that the only thing I have censored are real names of the parties discussed. Here is a point-by-point breakdown of her response, as discretion is the better part of valor and i chose not to get into a pissing contest:
1. This “matter” was NOT supposed to be resolved in June. the EARLIEST we could have had a settlement in place would have been July 1. The Heiress of Hyperbole rambles on.
2. Neither I, nor my attorney have been “dragging our feet”. What have been doing is called negotiating.
3. Ahh, THERE IT IS. She admits it, as I knew she would.
4. Funny, she offers to negotiate with me, and yet she tells our landlord that we are “not supposed to be talking to each other”.
5. “It’s all about the money, money, money..”
6. Jabba is NOT still carrying me on the medical insurance. I fell off of that on July 1, 2013.
7. This is the first time she has mentioned the fact that I am on the lease in the 14 MONTHS i have been out of the South Carolina house.
8. Preventing my son from seeing me is the very definition of “unreasonable” as far as I’m concerned.
Jabba really has no idea how easy she has it with me. The Auteur has told me stories about 1B’s father; how he has stopped paying child support, how he has refused 1B’s requests to see him without his new wife present; how he basically has nothing to do with her. 1B is just one example of the millions of kids in this country who have deadbeat dads. It would be so easy to just stop being involved, but that’s just not me. I love my son more than anything in this world, period. And I refuse to resign myself to losing him altogether.
- Put On Blast: DMX’s Ex-Wife Says He’s A Deadbeat Dad And Cut Off His 4 Kids After Their Divorce (bossip.com)
- Dante’s Opinion: Am I a deadbeat dad or not? (dalanel.wordpress.com)
- Deadbeat Moms!!! (mannafestministry.wordpress.com)
With all due apologies to any native Virginian who may read this post…
The Boy finally calls me back at 10:30 last night, only to tell me that the STBX is taking him to Jellystone Park (A Yogi Bear theme park) in Virginia today. As we conclude our conversation, I politely ask him to put his mother on the phone. He agrees.
I ask her if it would be too much to ask if she could give me a “heads up” when she and The Boy were leaving the state. She gets all defensive, about child support and visitation, etc. At which point I finally ask her, “what’s going on with our court proceedings”. She goes on to tell me that her lawyer is waiting to hear back from my lawyer. The entire reason I even brought up our courtroom drama is because I haven’t spoke with my lawyer since before the July 4th holiday.
I explain to her what happened in court last month – as it was explained to me by my attorney. She tells me flat-out that everything was discussed in court, including the amount for child support payments. In turn, I tell her flat-out that my attorney gave me a radically different story; explaining how her lawyer went on record stating that he had nothing and was not prepared for court that day. To me, that suggests that the STBX has not paid her lawyer, thereby holding up the entire proceeding. I didn’t call her a liar per se, but I made my thoughts very clear without doing so.
All that she has ever been about is money. I told her as much and said that she wouldn’t be happy if I was sending them $1000 each month, which sadly is true. I just want this divorce settled, so I can move on with my life.
The song in the video is really speaking to me right now…
Time, as it often tends to do, has snuck up on me. Two days from now is The Boy’s last day of school. Three days from now will be 11 months since the day I left Charleston; and I don’t feel any closer to being “officially divorced” than I did then. It feels as if my attorney, and the STBX’s attorney for that matter, is dragging his heels through this.
I got an e-mail from the STBX about a week-and-a-half ago asking about my plans for the summer. I didn’t even respond to her – I forwarded it on to my lawyer, whose done virtually nothing about it. I think I’m gonna have to pull the trigger on this one myself and take the 4 weeks that the STBX is willing to provide me The Boy, at least for this summer anyway.
And that’s only part of my problem: I’m broke. Much like my lady-love, The Auteur, I’m looking for work. I don’t even have the money to go pick him up, that’s how pathetic I am right now.
Although I’ve made it very clear to the STBX that I want The Boy for 6 weeks during his summer break, I’ve been preparing myself for the reality that I may not get him for that long until this divorce is finalized in court. I’m ready for that. I’d hate it, but I can deal with it. My problem is that I’m looking at the calendar and nothing seems to have been done.
I guess that leads me to an even bigger question: What have I accomplished in the last 11 months?
- I’ve returned to school, with some mixed results.
- I’ve made a few unofficial child support payments to the STBX – albeit upon advice from my attorney.
- I’ve brought The Boy up here to Michigan and made a trip to see him in South Carolina on my own dime.
- Six months ago, I started working out and have never felt better about my body.
- Most important of all, I’ve met an amazing woman with whom I want to spend the rest of my life…
- And in doing so I accomplished something I didn’t think was possible in Michigan: I got comfortable.
The Auteur sees me in a bit of a rut and she’s right. She summed it up best when she said “You’re comfortable. You hate your situation, but you’re comfortable”.
With the Boy’s Easter break about 6 weeks away, I called the STBX last night to discuss visitation. Here’s a paraphrasing of said conversation – to the best of my memory:
Me: So the Boy’s Easter break is coming up. Under the separation agreement that you had written up, I get him for his entire break, right?
X: No, that’s not what I remember.
Me: Well, I don’t have it in front of me, but that is what it says.
X: We don’t have an agreement.
Me: We’ve been going by the agreement that you had written up.
X: You never signed it.
Me: Really, X? You’re gonna do this every time it’s my turn to see him? Fine. I’ll call my lawyer first thing Monday morning and I’ll set up a visitation hearing.
X: I already made plans to take him to Legoland that week.
Me: Maybe you should’ve checked that with me first. I’ll have my lawyer set up a hearing. We’ll get all this set in stone.
X: Be sure to talk to him about child support too! hangs up phone
Typical. Whenever she gets frustrated, she hangs up on people. Her parents, her siblings, me. I’m not really sure why she wants me to talk to my lawyer about child support. That would be like a murderer asking his/her attorney: “hey how much time should I do? 10? 15 years?”
Again, she tries to go back on a separation agreement that SHE had written up.
She doesn’t get it. She’s not in charge of this thing anymore. And that scares the hell out of her.
All in all, this is a week I would really like to forget. SHG blows me off. Ivy makes her move. The STBX descends further into the role of the stereotypical bitchy ex-wife. Never have I ever looked so forward to Monday…