At long last, I finally sent off my copy of the STBX’s separation agreement – with my counter-proposals of course. I’m finally glad to have that off of my chest. I still get a chuckle out of the fact that she said to me “you mean you’re retaining a lawyer?” Did she really think otherwise? Especially after I told her I was going to get a lawyer?
I went for a walk again tonight – trying to get back into the habit of that as well. which brings me to my point: I’ve been drifting lately – losing sight of my goals. Right now, my main focuses are getting re-certified and getting back to South Carolina, so I can be there for my son. Nothing else really matter right now.
i have class tomorrow night – and while I got my books over the weekend, I’ve been putting off doing my homework for the last few days. No better time that the last minute – that attitude has probably done more to get me where I am today than anything else.
It’s time for me to get re-focused. I have many of the tools that I need at my disposal – to bring about the changes that i’ve needed for so long in my life. It’s time to start using them.
Okay, one last daily affirmation – only because its so ridiculous:
As I write this, my son and I are on our way into Myrtle Beach where the STBX will be picking him up. Our plane out of Detroit was already 30 minutes late, so he may miss “meet the teacher night” altogether.
I truly enjoyed my time with my son. I fear I will miss him far more than I even realize now. I cried a little as we left my parents’ house today; but I’m doing better for now.
Last night, the STBX tells me that she’s going to need me to pay her in order to stay on her insurance. With each passing day, I’m feeling more like Lando Calrissian: this deal is getting worse all the time. It seems like every day, she goes back on one more thing we agreed upon.
I know things could be far worse, but they could be better. Jesus, I’m gonna miss my son.
- Things to Do in Myrtle Beach, SC (familytravel.answers.com)
“Home is where you hang your hat”
The Karate Kid, part II
Two days ago, I made the trip down South to pick up my son for a week-long visit and to hopefully, tie up a few of the proverbial loose-ends with the Soon-To-Be-Ex. I can’t even find the words to describe how happy I was to see my son again. It’s only been one month; but some of those days felt like weeks. My time with him has been an absolute blast so far. To her credit, the STBX has stepped back and allowed us as much father-son time as possible while I’m in town. The next week in Michigan is going to be pure, unadulterated fun.
Walking into my former home for the first time was surreal. I blogged previously about how “you can’t go home again”. In that instance, I was talking about returning to your childhood home. I think that’s a sensation that almost every adult can relate to because, to paraphrase The Breakfast Club, we all ultimately grow dissatisfied with our home life; otherwise, we’d live at home forever.
What I’m talking about this morning is a feeling only divorcees can relate to. I knew the my STBX was going to be “cleaning house” in order to either make room her father to move in, or to pare down and move out of the state. But when you call a place home, have a direct hand in the arrangement, configuration and overall spirit of said home – only to return finding it moderately altered – you truly realize that it is no longer the place where you once laid your head at night. Granted, a large part of the void I felt was a result of our dog having to be euthanized within days of me moving out. This feeling goes beyond the lack of any of my personal effects. The most subtle changes, a new light fixture or a slight rearrangement of furniture reinforced the feeling that this was no longer my home.
I had several hours alone at the house today, during which I was packing my remaining personals. With all of these new feelings swirling within me, there were a few fleeting moments when I felt as I had during the last few months that I was still living in The House. For the lack of a better word, I felt as if I was a guest in my own home, again. This didn’t feel like home now and it certainly hadn’t felt like home for the last few months I was here. This has only reinforced in me the idea that this whole separation/divorce thing is for the best.
LET’S END WITH ANOTHER VIDEO:
I heard this song several times on my way down here. While I can’t pretend to be a big fan of the Rolling Stones, but the chorus is hitting home with me: “you can’t always get what you want But if you try sometime, you just might find You get what you need”
Got a free drink at the bar tonight. The bartender claims it was because one of the waitresses went to get her own drinks, so they had an extra beer. Whatever, in any case, free Bud Light is free Bud Light. I told my drinking partner (my sister) that it was because I was talking to the bartender earlier and she liked me. Yeah, right.
A SIDE NOTE: Flattery will get you everywhere with me.
Whitesnake came on the radio earlier today and it reminded me of Old School, particularly the “Frank The Tank” character. While Will Farrell is hilarious in this movie, his character has a pretty heavy back-story by the end; he is a divorcee who is trying to put his life back together – something I can relate to.
I don;t really know what this blog is supposed to be – I’m making it up as I go. I certainly never intended to link to a You Tube video everyday, but here goes: