a bump in the road

I don’t think I mentioned this before, but for the last few years, I have been dealing with anxiety, taking prescription medication for it.  For the most part, I’ve been able to live with it; but there is no wonder drug that magically makes you feel 100%. Not that I know, legal or otherwise.

Just as I was going to bed last night, I had what i can only describe as an anxiety attack.  I don’t know if it was the worst one I’ve ever had, but it’s the worst that I’ve had in a long time.  As laid down, all my fears, anxieties, frustrations and anger just came to the surface.  I felt as if I was suffocating.  I had to release all this energy.  I had to get out of the house.

Normally, i would probably start pounding beers, but I had just brushed my teeth; and nothing sounds worse than beer and fluoride.  If I was a smoker, I probably would have gone outside to light up. I was to wigged out to go driving, so I decided to go for a walk.  Surprisingly, it helped me, far more than I expected.

My mind went to some really dark places last night.  It was, as I described it to my mother, like my brain had shifted into another gear.  Maybe a nuclear meltdown would be a better analogy.  Everything was fine one minute; nearly catastrophic the next. And something had to give.  Fortunately, the feeling passed almost as quickly as it came on.  I guess the little Homer Simpsons in my brain managed to get things locked down just in the nick of time.

I tried to keep today as stress-free as possible, of course, it helps that the Tigers won.  God, I’m gonna miss baseball this winter.

I talked to my son today, and yesterday too actually.  He’s enjoying Kindergarten, which is as it should be. He’s already asking me to visit again.  Good news on the school front, but I won’t get into that just yet out of fear of jinxing things.

HERE i GO AGAIN WITH ANOTHER VIDEO: Rumor as it that Paul McCartney wrote this for Julian Lennon, when his parents were going through their divorce; although there are conflicting stories on the song’s origin.

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