When I first had the idea for this blog, I wanted it to be written by a guy, for guys, about guy issues – as they pertain to my divorce, of course. Even the blogs that I’ve followed since my recent separation have been written by other divorced dads. It’s nothing against women; I’ve just been trying to speak to and hear from.
With that in mind, below is a link I stumbled across tonight which addresses several theories I’ve been carrying for the last several years. This article is by a woman, but speaks to a theory I postulated before I was even married. My thoughts on it follow after the link below.
Many years ago – long before either of us had any serious relationships under our belts, a friend and I thought we had answered the question of “how to get any women you want” (that alone should tell you how young we were). Urban Cowgirl’s post got me thinking about this theory once again. Our theory on how to get any women you wanted was both incredibly simple and incredibly complex. It’s just three little words, but for the guy who wanted to pursue this course of action it required an extraordinary sacrifice; one that many men are simply not willing to make:
Get fuckin’ married.
Many guys are even afraid of uttering the “L word” because they feel that “i love you” equals marriage equals death, so they instinctively reject this theory altogether. However, as Urban Cowgirl points out, women are drawn to married men – or at least men who wear wedding rings for any one of a number of reasons. She goes on to say that women feel married men are more confident and is confused as to why women are drawn to ringed guys.
This is where my old theory comes into play. When you’re married and wearing your ring like a badge, it does exude an air of confidence. I would even take Cowgirl’s argument a step further and say that many women feel that Wedding Ring Guy is “safe”. “He’s not trying to pick me up. He’s married. And he’s not trying to hide it.” The same is true for the ring-wielding guy: “we’re just talking” he thinks to himself. And for the socially awkward, like myself, that is a great equalizer to take into battle. This theory is one I’ve firmly held for years. Fast forward several years to a time at which I was married, while some of my professional colleagues were practicing their attempts at “Jedi mind tricks” I was championing the power of “the One Ring”. Did you see what I did there? I bet my fellow nerds did!
Please don’t misunderstand where I’m going with this. I’m not encouraging married men to cheat. But as a married man, I still enjoyed socializing with members of the opposite sex. Conversation and innocent flirtation go a long way to stroke the ego of the married man. It makes him feel young and even somewhat desirable again. I specifically remember one incident when the STBX and I were at a music store (remember those?) and a cashier flirted with me as we were cashing out, despite the fact that my then-wife was with me and rings were firmly in place.
And for the record, no I have not worn my wedding ring once since our separation; nor do i intend to wear it in a pathetic attempt to meet women.
HERE’S WHERE I TRY TO GET REALLY DEEP: I think there’s a lot of hidden subtext to both Cowgirl’s article and my theory. As human beings we naturally crave social interaction. in this day and age, we are sadly, so desperate for it that we will pursue it on the path of least resistance. For some, that means hitting on a married person, being married and still trying to pick up others, or even pretending to be married in the hopes of meeting someone. (Please tell me no one actually does that. Not too long ago, we as a people watched television to take a break from reality. Today, there’s an entire genre of television programming, the oxymoronically-dubbed “reality TV“, that people watch because they want to experience reality. Social media, once just a great tool, is gradually replacing actual human interaction. It seems that the more connected we become as a society, the more disconnected we become as individuals. I know, the fact that i’m saying this on a blog drips with irony.
Cowgirl ends her post urging women to at take a chance on a guy who’s at least bold enough to start a conversation, with which I could not agree more. Back in my Samurai days, I found that my best pick-up line was “My name is Rob. How’s it going?” or some variation thereof; though I normally prefaced it with some kind of witty one-liner…
- Here’s What NOT To Do With Your Old Wedding Ring! (q104.cbslocal.com)
- 4 reasons to stop wearing your wedding ring (freespiritsunited.com)
- One in Three Women Take Off their Wedding Rings to Improve Job Prospects (counselheal.com)