Last week, the Auteur’s daughter, whom I shall affectionately refer to as “1B” said to the Auteur that she was ready to meet me. The Auteur ran this past me. I didn’t really have a problem with it. I work with kids her age (or a little older) all day for a living. Granted they inherently hate me on some level since I am their teacher; but I really wasn’t concerned with the prospect of meeting her.
I’ve never met a date/girlfriend’s kid before. Hell, there was only one other girl I ever dated who even had a kid already. But as a 39 year-old divorcee with child, that’s par for the course in the New Normal. In fact, the closest thing I can compare to meeting a s/o’s kid would be meeting a significant other’s parents for the first time. But even meeting someone’s parents has never been an issue for me. Sure, I want them to like me; but I know that I’m a good guy. Typically I stay on my toes, watch my language and try to be engaging and I’m fine.
In my opinion, meeting a S/O’s kid is an even bigger step in a relationship than meeting her parents. It is my opinion that being a parent means that the person is unequivocally and adult just by virtue of the fact that thy are in charge of a member of the next generation. This is a view I have held since The Boy was born. To this day, i still don’t consider myself to be an adult, but I know that as a father, society see me as such; but I digress. The fact is, person’s child develops a far greater emotional attachment to the would-be boyfriend/girlfriend than said person’s parents ever do. When a kid’s parent enters a relationship with a new man/woman, that new person can be viewed as potential step-parent, a possible role model, or someone they hate for any number of personal reasons. `It is for these reasons that I say that meeting a significant other’s child(ren) is a HUGE step in any relationship; one upon which I hope most people do not tread lightly.
I met 1B this past Sunday morning when she, The Auteur and I all got breakfast. 1 B was pretty much exactly as she had been described to me by the Auteur. She’s a very polite kid; very good mannered; VERY mature for her age in many ways. As any kid should be, she is a living testament to her mother’s parenting ability. It pisses me off when I hear that 1B’s father has so little to do with her. I only met her once and I can tell that 1B is a great kid. Her father has truly lost out on the experience of raising her and being a part of her life.
It’s funny. When I talk to the Auteur about the STBX, and her attempts of screwing me out of time with The Boy, she gets really angry. She sees how much I want to be a part of The Boy’s life and is dumbfounded by the STBX’s attempts to keep me from him. Seeing The Auteur react as she does gives me a sense of vindication. There are thousands, if not millions, of single Moms who dream that their Exes or baby daddys would want to be as involved as I want to be with The Boy.
I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised. If nothing else, my relationship with The Auteur has taught me not only about the relationship I want to have going have, but also just how screwed-up things with me and the STBX truly were.
- Responsible Parenting – Dealing With Teenage Step Daughters (akronscienceschool.com)
- Becoming a Step Parent: What’s Crucial to Making this Transition Smooth (palmbeachathleticwear.com)