It doesn’t matter how the old saying goes: no news is bad news.
In the case of my impending divorce, which I was told before the first of the month was reaching a settlement, no news is definitely bad news.
In the case of this blog and my personal life Okay, I haven’t blogged much lately, but that mostly because I have actually been out living a little instead of opining here about the bit experiences I was having that resembled a life.
At the end of last month, I accepted a job offer from Meijer. For those who don’t know, Meijer is a big-box retailer similar to Wal-Mart with stores in the Michigan, Indiana, Ohio area. Sure, the job sucks, the pay is dick and the hours are God-awful (midnights); but dammit it’s a job, it’s money in my pocket and those two things are a good start. In addition, I have very strong lead on a job with CVS, which would mean better money, physically easier work and potentially better hours. All in all, the job front is looking better for me than it has in a long time.
The Auteur and I are doing great. Sure we have our peaks and valleys but overall things are good. A steady job schedule and consistent off-days has provided us with some quality “couple time”. In fact, I’m blogging this from her house right now. This weekend is her 48 Hour student film project – her first as a producer – and it’s weighing heavily on her mind now. We took 1B to the Tiger game yesterday. I stayed at her place last night, and am probably staying again tonight.
Personally, I can’t wait until the 48 is over. Not so much the filming, but the premiere itself. As I mentioned previously, her estranged husband is billed as an executive producer (thanks to a $100 donation to the project) as is TP (the guy from this entry). she told me about TP’s donation last week. I didn’t take it well and that really does bother me.
Why am I so insecure in this relationship? I was really hoping to talk to a counselor about it, but my current lack of medical insurance would make that a very expensive endeavor; so I’m left to tackle this one alone. I think the truth is that I’m terrified at the thought of another failed marriage and what it says about me as a person. That, and I really love The Auteur and I don’t want to lose her.
UPDATE 7/16/10 3:22 PM
The Auteur and I had one of our many heart-to-heart conversations yesterday and the above bit about my insecurities came up in the natural flow of things. We both acknowledged that we both have personality quirks that we are both working on improving; many of which are a result of our previous marriages. I think it’s great that we both acknowledge these things and are both on the same page about making our relationship work. I’ve never been in a relationship like this where discussing our hopes, anxieties, worries, and even problems with each other has made said relationship even stronger.