the next step and…an ultimatum?

Earlier this week, I moved in with The Auteur.

It is a big step.  A huge one.  One that The Auteur and I have discussed for the last few months.  That proverbial big step becomes a giant leap when you add in the fact that neither of us are currently working.  We hope to have that remedied soon as she has a second job interview on Monday and i am finally in the process of getting my paperwork for substitute teaching turned in.

Money is a big concern in our relationship, as it should be in any relationship.  We both have bills to pay –  She, probably having more than I do at the moment.  of course, child support and student loans are looming in my near future.

NOTE TO SELF:  Look up “nearlyweds” and possibly write about it soon.

The auteur said a few things to me on Saturday that really freaked me out.  She said that she thinks I have one foot in the door at her house and one foot still in the door at my parents’ house (which is probably true).  She then went on to say that if I was going to live at my parents’ house, then there was really no point in us being together.    To this, I asked her, point blank, if she would have broken up with me had I not moved in.  To that, she started talking in broader terms; talking about our relationship long-term.  She  made some valid points, but she did not answer my question.

TIME TO GET DEEP:

I don’t want to say that our relationship would have reached an impasse had we not decided to live together, but living together is definitely the next logical step.  Living two hours apart has been difficult, and our feelings have continued to grow stronger and deeper.   One of my reservations about moving in with the Auteur has been that nothing here is mine; not the house, the car, the furniture – nothing.

Never in my adult life have i not owned or had access to a car.  This is an extraordinarily unsettling sensation for me.  Losing the ability to come and go as I please and having to depend on someone else for transportation is very demoralizing.  The other day, The Auteur  told me she had already made plans to see a friend of hers in Ohio next month.  I cannot do things like that because I depend on her now for transportation.

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