After spending the last three weeks at The Auteur’s house, I’m back at my parents for a few days – as she is working nights and I have evening classes. It’s a lot quieter here than I remember it being.
i love living with The Auteur, but it’s difficult in that I’m not working yet, there aren’t a lot of job opportunities and I don’t have a car. It’s very frustrating. in a lot of ways, I feel like I’m back to square one. At the same time, I thought I’d be happy to be back at my parents’ house; i figured this would be an opportunity to tend to matters around the home front. But I miss The Auteur and 1B far more than I expected. I really want to try and build for a life for myself – for us – there.
Truth be told, i’m starting to feel like the “man without a country”. Don’t get me wrong, my parents’ house will always be home; but I am starting to feel a bit removed from it. Furthermore, I’m not 100% past feeling like a guest at The Auteur’s house yet. This is no fault of here: she refers to things as “our house” “our room” and “our car” but outside of her house, i don’t have a life in that area yet.
A big part of the reason i decided to move in with The Auteur was that I feel like i finally have a sense of direction in my life again. Between her, school, my career – I feel like I finally know what i want out of life again
i’m close. I’m really close. i feel like I, like we, are on the cusp of greatness and i just need to keep pushing through.