If you are married, live in the North (and I’m referring to the same North that people think of when they think of the Civil War) and are thinking about moving down South, my advice to you is:  DON’T.

Jabba and I were married in 2000 here in Michigan.  We moved down South in 2004.   We separated in 2012; and since we were South Carolina residents for 8 years, we had to file for our divorce in South Carolina.

There is no such thing as a “no fault divorce” in South Carolina – at least not in the same sense that there is in Michigan.  I’ve heard of some people in Michigan having divorces go from start to finish in as little as 6 months.  Unless it’s something severe – substance abuse, physical abuse, criminal activity – it takes a minimum of one year to get a divorce in the Palmetto State.

And I get it.  I really do.  The state really wants people to try and save their marriages and I respect that – as long as there is even an chance of saving said marriage.  As my lawyer, Greenie, pointed out to me “If there is a Bible belt in this country, South Carolina is the buckle of that belt”.

I bring all of this up now because it has been nearly 18 months since Jabba and I separated and I have absolutely no proof that we’re any closer our divorce being finalized that we were the day I moved out.  According to Greenie, the judge has our papers and we’re all just waiting for him to sign off on them, which should just be a formality.  The only reason I even believe that is because I actually saw the judge when I appeared in court and he essentially rubber-stamped everything there.

It’s not as if Jabba and I are fighting over some multi-million dollar estate, or we’re locked in some bitter custody dispute over The Kid.  In the grand scheme of things, we’ve agreed on almost everything – although some of my previous blog entries may seem to suggest otherwise.

I just want this thing to be done by the end of the year.  That would be a great Christmas present and a great way to end 2013.