Rob addresses The Loneliness Epidemic

When I started this blog, I wanted to share my experiences as a man going through divorce. Over time, I’ve branched out with some other issues that “men of a certain age” face. I’ve written here, here, and here about about depression and another issue to which I finally learned the name: The Loneliness Epidemic.

This article on the Loneliness Epidemic lists some pretty obvious ways to combat loneliness; but what was most telling to me in the article were the statistics that 27% of the men surveyed said that have at least 6 close friends. 30% of those surveyed said they had at least one private conversation with a close friend in the last week. But the most disturbing statistics are that 15% of the men surveyed said they have no close friends at all.

Between the 15% and the 30%

I don’t have many close friends, fewer than 6, in fact. That’s not me crying “woe is me” either; its just a fact. To be honest, I don’t know that I’ve had many close friends in my life. However, the ones I do have know everything about me. As a 49 year-old American man in the early 21st century, I understand why this is; but I don’t know what to do about it.

The digital paradox

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: for a much as social media and the Internet connect us, they also equally divide us. Facebook has done wonders for long-lost friends. Personally, it has allowed me to reconnect people who I thought I’d never see or hear from again. It has also enabled me to establish relationships with people I only knew casually as a kid. But Facebook and its competitors and successors have also divided us. DMs and text messages have replaced phone calls and hanging out with friends.

We confuse social media with the act of socializing. We covet our privacy, while we simultaneously disclose far too much personal information on the Internet.

I’ve heard comedians talk about this at length – about the way Gen x used to rush to the door when someone came to your house. We used to call that “having company”. People would come to your house to see you. They would even interact with your other family members. Today, when our doorbells ring, we check out security cameras to see who it is. And even if we know the person, we often hide from them; pretend we aren’t home.

In the days before caller id (and long before we carried phones in our pocket) we would likewise rush to answer our landline phones. After all, it might be an important phone call. Even the ritual of getting someone’s phone number has changed. When my hair was longer and my gut was smaller, the goal of meeting a woman in a bar or at a club was getting that piece of paper with her name and 7-10 digits in it. If I can toot my own horn for a minute, in all my years of picking up women, I NEVER got a fake phone number. I’ve had 1 or 2 people claim they didn’t know me, but I digress.

Society dictates that men remain lonely

Men don’t cry. Men are the bread-winners, the providers. Men have to be strong. If men talk about their feelings, they are viewed as weak – even to their significant others. These tired ideals or the archetypical male have led too many men to early graves. They lead to stress, hair loss, gray hair, weight gain, depression, heart disease and suicidal thoughts. It’s no wonder that statistically men’s lifespans are shorter than women’s.

COVID’s Collateral Damage

Covid, the lockdowns and the psychological fallout from it all changes us – not necessarily for the better. School districts like mine were backed into using technology that they had sitting around for years. We all learned just how much shopping and how many appointments we could keep from the co forty of our own homes. The lockdown forced us to flee further into the digital world. Streaming movies has replaced the theater experience for many. Uber and door sash have made the way-in experience all but obsolete; and people are more disconnected than ever.

Where do we go from here?

I, for one am tired of it. Both of my grandfathers died of heart disease. Smoking led to cancer, and that got The Old Man. The universe is going to have to find another way to take me out. I’ve wasted too much time in too many relationships with women who asked me to open up about my feelings; only for them to chastise me when I did. That is the real-life Kobyashi Maru that men face. Maybe that means I’ll be single for the rest of my life. If that’s the case , then so be it.

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The article “Rob addresses The Loneliness Epidemic” first appeared on Rebuilding Rob.

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