Rebuilding Rob

For some people, it’s the moment you graduate from high school. For others, first time you can legally buy alcohol. Some of argue that the moment you were financially independent as a moment that you are an adult. However, looking at the Justin Biebers and all the child actors of the world, clearly this is not the case. The same argument might be made for someone losing their virginity though. There’s lots of immature, stupid people out there having sex who have no idea what the hell they’re doing either.

At 16, I was able to legally drive a car. It was also the first time I ever traveled overseas (and the longest time I had been away from home at that point). But as I really wasn’t there alone, and I still couldn’t drink legally, vote or die for my country, I felt more grown up; but I knew I wasn’t an adult yet.

At 18, I graduated from high school. While this is a rather big milestone in our society, one still lives is not adult at this point either. Yes, I could legally vote and I could buy cigarettes. (18 was the legal age to buy tobacco products in the US at the time) I could also die for my country now; but I knew that I was still a stupid kid at this point

At 21 I was in college and finally able to legally buy alcohol. I was living, for the most part, independently. But I knew that I didn’t have nearly as much responsibility as most grown-ups do.

I married X1 when I was 26. We had been living together for almost 5 years at this point, so while the state recognized our relationship, officially, things really weren’t a whole lot different between us. And the truth is, early on, you always feel like you’re just playing house.

I was 33 when Kid 1 was born. Yes, I know, we had him a little bit later than many couples do. You would think at this point that “OK, I’m an adult now. I have a kid to take care of“. After all, I was working full-time and supporting myself. My wife and I were building our own family. But like the example I mentioned, and getting married, it still felt like you were a rookie at this grown-up stuff. While people recognize it, and even I recognized on some levels, it just didn’t feel official yet.

I was just a few months shy of turning 41 when The Old Man died. X2 and I were expecting Kid 2 in July of that year. Again, we were living on our own and financially independent; apparently checking off all of the proverbial boxes. But the death of The Old Man was the moment that really got me thinking about all this “grown-up“ stuff.

To me, the moment that you bury one or both of your parents is the moment that you become an adult. I even said something to this effect in one of my earlier blog posts, a proper eulogy, for the old man. When a parent dies, the children are inheriting the world.

I remember thinking about this at my father’s funeral. Just looking around at my cousins and my siblings, and realizing that it is now officially our turn to look after the world. My father was gone, and my mother was slowly moving into that stage of life, that second childhood; where she would need others to look after her. That responsibility would fall to my siblings and I; just as it had fallen to countless other adult children to look after their elderly parents

I remember seeing an interview that Mark Hamill it done just before the release of Star Wars, the force awakens. He was talking about the fact that now 2015 actually) he was the same age that Alec Guinness was when the original Star Wars was being made in the late 70s.

Hamlet explained that this was a hard thing for him to really wrap his head around it. He didn’t really think of himself as old. Her certainly didn’t have the gravitas of Sir Alec Guinness. He still likes listening to the Rolling Stones and thought the Three Stooges were hilarious. old people don’t do that, Hamill opined.

But I think that’s the great secret of it all. Youth really is a state of mind. In our minds, we’re still 20 years old, full of piss and vinegar. In our minds, we can still party all night, sleep for two hours, and go into work the next day; but our bodies won’t allow us to do it.

Even at 49, I realize there’s things that my body won’t allow me to do anymore. Going to work out now, I know that I will never have a cut bodybuilders physique. I will never recapture the energy and figure that my body had when I was in my 20s, but it will help me feel better. Younger, but not necessarily young.

This is one of those moments where I wish The Old Man was still around. I would love to have a conversation with him about this topic.

What was the moment that you felt like a grown up?

Is there any such thing as being “a grown up”?

Thanks for stopping by Rebuilding Rob. Be sure to like, comment and subscribe to my blog below. It’s greatly appreciated! Also, feel free to follow me on social media as well! Check out my most recent posts as well as some earlier, related posts:

• Teacher Armor and the Saturday Clearing
• The Extra Day: A Ten-Year Memory
• Of Training Wheels and Christmas Lights
• Charity Starts at Home (And I’m Back in My Childhood One)
• The Muscle of Empathy

The article “When I Grow Up” first appeared on Rebuilding Rob.