Rebuilding Rob

As WordPress continues to recycle old prompts, I pulled another prompt from The Coffee Monsterz Co to respond to today

What’s the most difficult part about being you?

For me, it’s knowing exactly how much “push” to apply in any given moment. I’m naturally mellow—to a fault. For years, I let too much roll off my back, hardwiring myself to be the “nice guy.”

The Facade of “Mellow”

But I’ve learned that being “mellow” is often just a facade for accepting breadcrumbs. Whether it’s from peers, family, or students, being labeled the “easy-going guy” is sometimes just a polite way of saying I’m a pushover. I’ve spent the last few years practicing assertiveness—not aggression. The world has enough aggressive people; what we need are people who are firm but controlled.

Strength vs. Volume

In my career, I’ve noticed male teachers usually fall into two camps: the “wimp” or the “hard-ass coach.” From day one, I believed there was a middle ground. I wanted to embody the Peter and Larry Cullen mantra: “Strength in gentleness.” It took a long time to strike that balance. During my five years teaching in Detroit, I found my “volume,” but maybe too well. I taught on the second floor, and teachers on the first floor could hear me yelling. I made kids cry. I’m not proud of that, but it taught me a hard lesson: being loud isn’t the same as being strong. Screaming actually shows you’ve lost control—of the situation and yourself.

The Power of the Course-Correction

I’m still finding that middle ground. Just a few days ago, I butted heads with a student in my shared classroom. He cursed me out, and I lost my cool, eventually kicking him out. I knew I had overreacted. Instead of letting it fester, I caught him in the hall later. I didn’t give a groveling apology, but I told him: “That’s not me. I don’t overreact like that.” We squashed it. We’re cool now. To me, that’s the real work—being able to course-correct in real-time. It’s funny; today I overheard a couple of sophomores debating who would win in a fight between me and the only other male teacher. They put their money on me. I think they see the strength now, but hopefully, they see that it’s the kind of strength that doesn’t need to bark to be felt.

The most difficult part of being me is the daily calibration—knowing when to turn it on and knowing when to relax. I’m getting better at it, one “new day” at a time.

Listen While You Reflect: This theme of finding balance and stopping the “breadcrumb” cycle is exactly what we’re diving into on the podcast today. Catch the newest episode of Rebuilding Rob: The Podcast for a deeper look at setting standards and choosing Option C.

Thanks for stopping by Rebuilding Rob. Be sure to like 👍, comment, and subscribe below. It’s greatly appreciated! Also, feel free to follow me on social media and check out my recent posts!

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The article “The Daily Calibration: Strength Without the Scream” first appeared on Rebuilding Rob.