The risk-reward imbalance

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What’s the biggest risk you’d like to take — but haven’t been able to?

For the most part, I’m not afraid of taking chances. Great rewards often require great risks. For the most part, if I really want something bad enough, I will go after it. There was a magazine ad I saw years ago that said “the greatest risk is the one you don’t take”. For the most part , I think I live that philosophy with no regrets either way.

Lately though, there’s one aspect of my life where I’ve become “gun shy”. I’m no longer willing to take the risk in order I pursue the reward. The biggest risk I’d like to take – but haven’t been able to – is to be in a relationship again.

As I think about it. That’s not really a risk that I’m not able to take as much as it is a risk I don’t want to take. This has been something give been kicking around for a while. I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and had some conversations with Lomax about it as well.

This blog was born as a result of my divorce. When is started it, I wanted to be a voice to which other divorced dads could relate. Eventually it turned into taking about my experiences with my divorce, as well as my getting “back out there”.

After my divorce, I felt liberated and free. I felt like I could meet someone and potentially fall in love again. Enter X2

Seven on-again, off-again years and one kid later, I was back where I started, just in time for the Covid lockdowns. When I didn’t work, I struggled for a long time to understand why hold she, or the relationship itself had on me.

Once I had that figured out and had gotten X2 out of my system, I just wasn’t as hell-bent on falling in love as I had been previously.

I thought that it was just that the butterflies were gone. I no longer got as giddy about the potential off dating a women as I used to. Lately though, I’ve come to the realization that, for the moment the risks out weigh the rewards.

It’s common knowledge that the divorce rate in America is over 50 percent. Unless I’m super wealthy (which I’m not) and have a shark of a lawyer (which I don’t). There’s simply to lose for me, as a man to engage in serious romantic relationship right now. I’m not ready to invest my time, energy and resources in to someone who will, more likely than not, be around in 6-7 years. I’m just tired of starting over. I’ve done it. Twice. I don’t want to do it a third time. Lately I haven’t seen a scenario where the rewards is worth the risk.

And it’s not like I haven’t tried. I’ve dated plenty of people. I’ve even been in a few relationships that have lasted several months. My heart just hasn’t been into it.

I want it to be. I’m just not there again yet.

  • What is one risk that you’d like to take , but aren’t willing or able to?
  • What’s holding you back?

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4 responses to “The risk-reward imbalance”

  1. Cari Avatar

    Relationships are overrated. Daily, I think about burying my husband in the backyard. Kidding. But, if something ever came between us, it would be a cold day in hell before I attempted dating again. I’m with you – the risk outweighs any potential benefits.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. ren Avatar
    ren

    that was very honest. i appreciate your honesty. tho, it also made me a little sad. i’m a huge romantic and like to think your soulmate is out there waiting for you– when you are ready. ❤

    Like

  3. Lukas Weichselbaum Avatar

    I propose you’re assessing the institution of marriage in the west in a realistic way.

    It can be quite a risky endeavor, especially for men.

    Not only in terms of financial risk but also in terms of custody.

    You wouldn’t believe what I see in my work with men.

    I won’t go into social criticism as I don’t think it’s productive.

    As to avoiding a relationship altogether: I’m curious.

    Why not be in a relationship without getting married?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. rebuilding rob Avatar

      Thanks for the comments!

      I did the long term relationship without marriage thing as well. To be honest, the end of that relationship was very similar to the end of my marriage, only with fewer legal entanglements.

      Like

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