Rebuilding Rob

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and for the first time that I can recall, I’m glad I DON’T have anyone to buy for this year. This isn’t to say that I’ve never had a Valentine’s Day where I was single. Far from it. I’ve just never been okay with the idea of being single on VD.

I’m not saying “I’m giving up on relationships” but I think I’m finally at a point where I’m okay with being single, I also prefer it. More than that, right now I think I’m sick of TRYING to find a relationship. I’m sick of trying to impress people. I’m done with trying too hard to be the nice, understanding listener; only to be cast off into The Friend Zone.

I don’t want this to come across like I’m whiny, or as if I’m on a misogynistic tirade.  I just don’t have the patience that I has when I was younger. And the prospect of pursuing a relationship that is statistically likely to end badly is not very appealing to me at this point on my life. If you want to call this a phase of my life “working on myself” or “focusing on my family” go right ahead. 

It’s corny to say, but you really need to be happy with yourself, and happy being on your own before you can get into a relationship with someone. Your partner should enhance your life; rather than be the center of it. I’ve heard people say that for years. It took me a long time to listen to it, and an even longer time to understand it. 

Yesterday, I woke up in the middle of the night, thinking about Jessica. I remember thinking “today is the day I try to get back together with her. I will do that sometimes – probably more often than I care to admit. Then after a few minutes, reality sets in. I remember why I broke up with her in the first place. I remember feeling like I was walking on eggshells around her. She was a light sleeper and I’m…not. I literally, went to bed focusing on my breathing because I didn’t want my CPAP machine to wake her. That’s no way to live. There was more. So much more. The truth is I always felt like she wanted to turn me into something I was not. I’m at a point in my life where I like the person that I am, for the most part.

I think I need a new supporting cast in my life. New faces. I feel like I had my shot with the same usual people, and yet we’re still in each other’s orbits. 

Thanks for stopping by Rebuilding Rob. Be sure to like, comment and subscribe to my blog below. It’s greatly appreciated! Also, feel free to follow me on social media as well! Check out my most recent posts as well as some earlier, related posts:

• Thoughts that keep me up at night
• Requiem for a mall
• what makes a great teacher
• The O.R. Virgin
• A Day in the Life of Rob

The article “A State of the Heart Address” originally appeared on Rebuilding Rob