Rebuilding Rob

Think of these as the bottom five, if you will.

There’s a lot of Christmas music; maybe not as much as there is Christmas movies, but it’s close. Yesterday I made a list of my top seven Christmas songs. So today, in the spirit of one of my all-time favorite websites, l m Wrestle Crap, for a list of truly abominable Christmas music, you should check out this countdown from Esquire magazine. In the meantime, I  present you, with Rob’s five worst Christmas songs of all time.

“Santa Baby” Eartha Kitt, Madonna, et al

I hate this song. This song is everything that is wrong with the Christmas holiday: materialism , and pure unadulterated selfishness. I imagine Charlie Brown taking a baseball bat to any radio, any TV, or any electronic device that plays this abomination, as well he should.

“The Little Drummer Boy” – Bing Crosby & David Bowie

I recently learned this was filmed in 1977, just a few weeks before Bing Crosby passed. I understand what they were trying to do here: bringing together a classic Christmas crooner with a contemporary rock guy. But to me, neither of these guys looks like they want to be there. I happen to like “the little drummer boy“ but not this particular version. I was born in 1974; but man, the 70s were one weird decade.

“Wonderful Christmastime” – Paul McCartney

DISCLAIMER: I love the Beatles. I think that Paul McCartney and John Lennon are on a short list of the greatest musical duos on the 20th century.

This is not one of Paul McCartney‘s greatest songs. In my own internal head-canon, the song came to McCartney when his late wife Linda got her first synthesizer for Christmas. I imagine that the sound effects you hear in the background are Linda playing with the device for the first time. HARD PASS.

“I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus” – various artists

I’ve just never cared for the song. It doesn’t really matter who’s singing in. I’m not gonna go on some moral high horse about infidelity or anything, but I never imagine Santa Claus is kissing anybody except for Mrs. Claus.

“Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” – Elmo & Patsy

I know, this one’s an easy layup. This kind of hillbilly humor just ain’t my thing. To be honest, this is for the same crowd that enjoyed Hee Haw back on the 70s and Jeff Foxworthy in the early 2000s. For as much as old people annoy me, Grandma deserved a better fate than this

Dishonorable Mention – “All I Want For Christmas Is You” – Mariah Carey

I honestly don’t know that this is that bad of a Christmas song. The problem is, it has been overplayed TO DEATH. That is compounded by the fact that Mariah Carey has become a caricature of herself. At some point, you have to suspect that she’s actually in in the joke.

Don’t get me wrong. There are Christmas songs that are a lot worse than these, like the ones on the Esquire list. The difference with most of those is that I think they’re deliberately trying to be bad. These are songs that I think legitimately trying to be good and failed spectacularly.

What is, in your opinion, the worst Christmas song?

Thanks for stopping by Rebuilding Rob. Be sure to like, comment and subscribe to my blog below. It’s greatly appreciated! Also, feel free to follow me on social media as well! Check out my most recent posts as well as some earlier, related posts:

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The article “Rob’s 5 WORST Christmas songs“ first appeared on Rebuilding Rob.