I stumbled across this article on my Facebook timeline today. While I like most of the Vice articles I find – as well as their cable TV scramble – this article didn’t really say a hell of a lot that was very specific. But maybe the reason for that is because every relationship is different. Every relationship has its own “point of no return“ moment.
The big takeaway from the article, which summarizes and links to a story from The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology explains one co-partner emotionally check out of the relationship first. When the other partner realizes just how bad the situation is, it’s already too late to save the relationship.
I can say that in the cases of my relationships with both X1 and X2, they were the one who initiated the breakup. In hindsight, i can say that both of them also initiated the divorce/ breakup. All of this tracks with the Vice article.
I’ve talked a few times I’m here about the Chris Rock quote, and I think I’ve even embedded a video file of it from TikTok where he says “only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally. Men are loved under the condition that they provide“. In my experience, that is absolutely true.
The case of X1, we split up at a time when I was underemployed. That’s not to say that the only reason she divorced me was because I lost my full-time job. I’ve talked before, but I met that I was just coming to terms with my anxiety and finally starting to get professional help for it at or near the the same time that my marriage was falling apart. As far as my divorce is concerned, it may be a case of “the chicken or the egg” as to which one came first. But still, my inability to provide as I once did undoubtedly was a factor in the downfall of my marriage. 
My situation like two is almost the opposite. When her and I met, I was still in the process of getting back on my feet after my separation. I was getting back into school and getting my teaching certificate updated. So for a time, there was a lack of providing. We also went through a few breaks in “getting backs” which, in hindsight, is never a good sign for any relationship. My opinion when someone breaks up with you, they do so for a reason. And time apart, usually is not enough to truly change that.
Unlike my divorce, from X1 I was gainfully employed at the time that x2 and I broke up once and for all. But at that point, I think communication had broken down so much that had become emotionally detached, as I eventually did as well. And one day, the whole thing just went up like a forced fire. Or is that like to say and it more succinctly when most people ask “we broke up. We were apart for six months. And we got back together, just long enough for us to remember why we broke up in the first place“
The again, the feeling of my relationships ending when I’m viewed as no longer being a provider still stings. Maybe this is why I’m so reluctant to get into another relationship now. I just don’t want to put myself through that emotional meat grinder again. I don’t want to be that guy who sits in the car for 20 minutes between leaving work and going home just so I can feel like I’m myself.
And I don’t bring up Chris Rock, or even my own break ups, to be spewing sour grapes. I do think that man should be at least co–providers in a relationship. but at the same time, looking back on my divorce, I still feel a bit like excellent one dropped me when I was at a particularly low point in my life. I’m not even angry about that anymore. What’s done is done. I understand where she was coming from. And I’ve reconciled it with myself. But the feeling is there. And it seems like an awful lot of men feel the same way.
These are my thoughts. Check out the Vice article of yourself to see what you think. The original, scholarly journal article that this story is based on is behind a pay wall. I was too cheap to get it myself. That, and the Amstrad looks like some pretty heavy reading. But if you’re into that kind of thing, go for it!
Thanks for stopping by Rebuilding Rob. Be sure to like, 👍 comment and subscribe to my blog below. It’s greatly appreciated! Also, feel free to follow me on social media as well! Check out my most recent posts as well as some earlier, related posts:
- The Emergence of Wisdom
- The Red Flags of Online Shopping
- Chasing the best version of myself
- The best and worst part of my day
- Rob‘s Retro Review: Back to the Future (1985)
The article Rob Reads: “Researchers Found the exact ‘point of no return’ in Failing Relationships” first appeared on Rebuilding Rob.
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