Rebuilding Rob

As WordPress continues to recycle old prompts, I pulled another prompt from The Coffee Monsterz Co to respond to today

Is there something you are jealous and/or envious about?

I don’t know that I’m jealous or envious or anyone. I do wish sometimes that I was younger and had more energy still. But at the same time, I’m happy to have the wisdom and experience that I’ve accumulated over time. Maybe that’s the trade-off: we unknowingly have to sacrifice our youth for wisdom.

But, keeping in the spirit of this prompt, I would have to see if anything I’m probably a little bit jealous or envious right now. About 18 1/2 years old about 3 1/2 months removed from graduating high school. He has moved out of state and is just starting the magnificent journey that I call “the college years”.

Sometimes I’d give almost anything to be 18 again. I know that if I went back to that age, however, I wouldn’t have the life experiences that I’ve already accumulated. And while I would never do anything to change, either kid, one or kid too, sometimes I wonder what life would’ve been like if I had made a few different choices.

In many ways, I feel like I really missed out on my own college experience. X1 and I had actually met at a registration day as we were both transferring out to our school during our junior year.

We we went out for the first time not even a week later and we’re basically inseparable from that moment. We were together for nearly 5 years before we got married. And then it was another seven years after that before we had one.

But sometimes I wonder how things could’ve been different. Heck, early on during my first semester at school, we had a fight and didn’t talk for almost a week. I very nearly grabbed my things and went back to my dorm, but I ended up staying. She ended up babysitting that weekend for two kids who she knew from back home. They came out to her apartment, somehow, her and I just kind of forgot about whatever was bothering us and just decided we were OK.

What if I hadn’t stayed that weekend? What if I had my dorm? What one and I have broke up in there? What if I ended up having the full college dorm life experience with my roommates? These things I’ll never know. But sometimes I would give them us anything to find out.

In the sixth season of Star Trek, the next generation, there is an episode titled “Tapestry” Picard has a near death experience, and he is visited by Q who offers in the opportunity to relive a pivotal moment in his life.

Picard laments about how he was something of a Hell raiser during his academy days; only becoming more stoic and disciplined only after becoming f a Starfleet officer. But by making this change during a reckless moment in his life, Picard turns himself into a person who ultimately never takes chances. He lives a comfortable life in this altered reality, but never achieve greatness because he never tries for it.

I’m not saying that I’ve had the life of Jean-Lic Picard and I’ve had all these great moments, because I really haven’t. But just like Picard, I know that if I ever had the opportunity to go back and live my college years, I would’ve done something different in my life would be decided be different now because of it. The funny thing is, I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Having said all that, I like who I am, I like the place on that in my life. Sure, I wish I was young again. Maybe Rich. I would give anything of the energy that I had in my 20s; or even my 30s or 40s for that matter.

But everything I’ve done is brought me to this particular moment in my life where I’m at now. I could not be more proud of my sons than I am today.

It’s not that I’m really envious of my kid or I wish I could do things differently. If anything, I have regrets that I didn’t learn certain lessons until later in life.

The truth is, X one and I were not happy in our marriage. And mentally I was not in a good place that, compounded by the fact that I was 800 miles away from my support network did not help matters any. That marriage had to end.

And as much as I hate the fact that things with X2 when I broke down right around the onset of COVID-19, I likewise needed that relationship to end as well. I had to reach a certain point where I realize that I was not happy and things were not going to change.

But more than that, I needed these last five years in sex two and I broke up do you get to know myself again. It took these last five years, well, not really the whole five years, to realize that I can be happy on my own. A romantic relationship does not determine my happiness. I know that if I was still in my relationship with X too, I wouldn’t be doing as much with both of my boys. And I wouldn’t be doing things for myself, like going on road trips to Major league baseball stadiums around the country.

Wow, from a question about jealousy, I came full circle and realized just how happy I am in my life right now

Thanks for stopping by Rebuilding Rob. Be sure to like, 👍 comment and subscribe to my blog below. It’s greatly appreciated! Also, feel free to follow me on social media as well! Check out my most recent posts as well as some earlier, related (and perhaps, not-so-related) posts:

• Rob Reviews: Tron Ares (2025)
• Sunday is borrowed time
• Teacher Armor and the Saturday Clearing
• The Extra Day: A Ten-Year Memory
• Of Training Wheels and Christmas Lights

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The article “My Tapestry“ first appeared on Rebuilding Rob.