The “Solomaxxing” Shift
I came across a headline the other day that, quite frankly, didn’t seem too surprising to me. According to multiple surveys, a majority of young people today are choosing to remain single—a shift often referred to as being “intentionally single” or “solomaxxing” (a term recently explored by Wired).
Quite honestly, the reasons for this approach make a lot of sense. People are saying that dating is too expensive. They’re saying they’re prioritizing a greater focus on themselves. They’re saying they simply enjoy the peace and lack of drama in their lives when they aren’t “in the pool.”
They are right on all counts.
Finding Peace in the Solo Life
I have to admit that it personally took me a long time to reach that level of peace and contentment myself. And to be honest, it feels great focusing on yourself. You get to know who you are again; you get to focus on things that actually mean something to you: becoming more mindful, hitting the gym, reading more books, or just doing whatever the hell you damn well please. You don’t have to focus on a partner, and your own needs and wants don’t get thrown by the wayside.
What the Science Says
Science backs this up, too. Research in Psychology Today and other journals suggests a massive distinction between being “involuntarily single” and being “single by choice.” When singlehood is autonomous—meaning it’s a decision you make—it’s actually linked to higher levels of resilience, lower stress, and a stronger sense of self-determination. Studies have even shown that single people are often better at maintaining their broader social networks—friends, neighbors, and extended family—than their married peers, who sometimes tend to “silo” into a partner-focused life.
Would I like to be in a relationship? Of course. I’d love to have a partner to enhance my life, rather than making them the center of my universe. But I have some pretty stringent caveats that would need to be met before I entered into another long-term commitment.
And I think that’s the real takeaway: when you are single, you achieve a level of independence you might never have thought possible. You feel better, stronger, and more confident doing things by yourself. I love going to the gym alone. I have no problem going to a movie theater or a baseball game solo. Sitting down to dinner alone is still a little strange, but there are times where I value my peace so much that I’d rather just sit there, eat my food, and enjoy the quiet.
The Generational Perspective
I’m not surprised Gen Z is leaning this way. My oldest is 19, right in the middle of that demographic. I feel for him—it’s a harder, more complex world to navigate than the one I grew up in. Even my high school students tell me they’ve already resigned themselves to the fact that they might never own a home.
When the world feels like it’s demanding everything from you, choosing yourself isn’t just an act of defiance. It’s an act of preservation.
This is only half of the conversation. I’ve been thinking a lot about how this ‘intentional’ shift looks different for men in their 50s—the unique challenges and freedoms we face after divorce. Part two of the series is now: the audacity of choosing third gear is now live!
Rebuilding a life takes grit, consistency, and a lot of ‘Option C’ thinking. Having crossed the 1,000-day milestone, I’m now charting the territory beyond. The mission remains the same: No glitz. Just the work. New to the blog? Start your journey here to see the blueprint and the ‘Tricorder’ perspective behind the rebuild.
Today’s post is inspired by the WordPress Daily Prompt. While I’ve taken the topic in my own direction for the Road beyond 1,000 Days, you can find more responses to today’s prompt HERE.
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The article “Rob Reads: The Audacity of Choosing Yourself” first appeared in Rebuilding Rob.
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