As I was doing some editing on this blog earlier today, it occurred to me that I’ve never written about the impetus of this blog. Obviously, telling the story of my impending divorce is the purpose of this blog. There was, however, one moment that completely set me off. One incident between the STBX and I that pushed me from being hurt to being angry. One conversation that convinced me unequivocably that we would never reconcile.
About 3 weeks after I moved back to Michigan (or about 1 week before I started this blog) I received a call from the STBX. She was furious because the cable and internet service had been interrupted for non-payment.
I let her vent because I knew i didn’t have the money to pay the bill. I was straight with her about not having the money. She, of course, didn’t want to pay the bill despite the fact that she was working and she was the one benefitting from said cable and internet service.
When it seemed that she had gotten everything off of her chest, I said to the STBX “Let me speak to [our son]. I want to speak to [our son].”
“As soon as you talk to cable, you can talk to [our son].” She then hung up on me.
My first thought was “Great. Less money, more problems”. Then it hit me. She had just prevented me from speaking to my son. Furthermore, she used our son as a means to an end. She wanted me to pay the cable bill and was using our son as a means to make that happen.
That moment was probably the closest I’ve ever come to experiencing a blind fit of rage. For me, it felt more like an out-of-body experience. I was pacing, saying things, throwing things. Quite literally rampaging, It was as if I was watching this monster who bore a striking resemblance to me; but totally unable to stop it or control it.
My Dad was ecstatic just to see me finally get mad at her. I’m sure my mom and my sister felt the same way, but they were much better at hiding their feelings. That was the day that I finally contacted my lawyer. At long last, I was past the proverbial point of no return.