relapse

I had a dream Monday night / Tuesday morning. It was the first “married” dream I’ve had since my separation. In it, the STBX and I were still together with our first dog, but no Son. It was not unlike our the time we were in college. Waking up was a bittersweet sensation. As I was coming to, I knew it wasn’t real but I was happy there. The weird thing is that when I woke up, I was neither happy nor sad. It was as if I just walked through a memory.

I have been kind of depressed lately. Going down to Wayne State to register for classes felt strange. 10 years ago, the STBX and I were taking classes together there. She’s obviously no longer part of my plans. For some reason, it seemed to resonate with me more now than it did last semester. Maybe it’s because speaking to my academic advisor brought up memories of finishing school and pursuing our careers together.  Talking to my advisor showed me that I’m on my way:  on my way to getting re-certified, on my way to beginning  my life on my own and on my way to returning to South Carolina.

In other news, SHG accepted my friend request on Facebook at some point. I never got a notification about it. In fact, I stumbled upon it by accident when i was reviewing my profile page.

I need to get over SHG, as I’m getting the feeling nothing is gonna happen there. The thing is, she’s the first woman I’ve been really attracted to in a long time.  The first time I spotted her in the bar Friday night  stands out in my mind even now. Our eyes met from across the room.  I saw her and I KNOW that she saw me.  I felt like it was one of those “moment” moments; but I’m probably just being a hapless romantic.  Who knew that that Rob even still existed?  She’ll probably end up just becoming another drinking buddy, at most.

Of course, I ended up MARRYING the last woman I said that about…

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