on unfriending, unfollowing and ghosting

In my never-ending pursuit of content and inspiration, I came across this article abut none other than Batman himself, Ben Affleck, and his online dating experiences. Check out the link below:

Ben Affleck Is Back on Dating Apps and Already Getting Unmatched

Beyond the requisite “well if Ben Affleck is getting unfollowed, what chance do the rest of us have?” response, this got me thinking about the world of online dating, social media and getting unfriended, unfollowed or straight out ghosted.

I’m surprised I haven’t talk more about this experience before. But recently, I was unfriended and unfollowed by somebody whom I had been talking to for a long time. In fact we had even gone out a couple times.

I’ll call her the Buckeye. I’m met her on one of the online dating sites about a year ago. We started talking, but because of the distance between us we knew that any sort of relationship would be exceedingly difficult. We actually met up a couple of times. I went to visit her and we spent the night together twice. Her and I both knew that it realistically couldn’t work, but we both developed intense feelings for each other and the chemistry was undeniable.

Over the past year or so, we had fallen in and out of touch with each other a couple times. Most recently, she had been on-again, off-again with a boyfriend. In hindsight I think in our most recent exchanges, I was something of a rebound for her.

To make matters worse, she’s been dealing with some personal issues – the kind of stuff that someone might flippantly label as “daddy issues” – going back to her youth and affecting her current relationships as an adult. She’s been getting herself some help, just trying to make some changes in her life. Through all of this, she suddenly decides one day to tell me that she’s a little creeped out by me commenting or liking her social media posts. And although she didn’t say the word, she heavily implied that she felt like I was “stalking“ her.

I personally don’t think that I was smothering her, and I most certainly don’t believe that I was stalking her. But I also think that any time that somebody is trying to tackle certain issues in their life, it’s inevitable that they’re going to get very defensive and lash out at people.

I wasn’t technically ghosted in this case. She told me straight out that she thought it was best that we didn’t talk for a while. Incidentally, she did explain to me that she was waiting for her boyfriend to deal with some issues in his own life; So she may have been trying to let me off in what she saw as “the easy way”.

Nobody likes being unfriended, unfollowed or ghosted. But I think what was so strange about the situation is the fact that we were talking as much as we were, and feelings were as intense as they were. In hindsight, I guess I should’ve remember that anytime things get as intense as that was, it’s probably not healthy for either person involved

Getting dumped never feels good; but at east there is a sense of closure to it. But when a person unfriends, unfollows or ghosts you, there is no closure. Worse than that is the thought that the person thinks so little of you that you’re not even worth the effort of ending things with. It’s cold, cowardly and it never feels good.

So with that, the saga of the Buckeye drew to a close about 3 weeks ago. For a strong as I felt about this woman, I’m surprised at how quickly I was likewise able turn my feelings off. I think it’s just another reminder to how jaded I’ve become with relationships over the last few years. I kind of regret not writing more about the Buckeye while everything was going on, but this was obviously during my “dry season“ with the blog.

Besides if Jack Ryan, Daredevil, O’Banion, and the most badass Batman ever, Mr. Ben Affleck himself can get unfriended, then any of us can.

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