Rob weighs in on… Photos from a failed marriage

Even though they’ve been around for over 150 years, photographs are still a really amazing thing. They are our concrete, albeit two- dimensional connections to past events, history, and memories. I think it’s no surprise that, when you ask a lot of people what material possession they would save if their house was on fire, they say “family photographs”. They enhance our memories; and many of us feel like we would forget the past if we didn’t have some sort of photograph evidence of it.

Here’s an interesting article that I just discovered through the wonders of social media…

https://www.cleveland.com/living/2022/06/ask-amy-my-wife-and-i-have-been-married-more-than-30-years-and-she-objects-to-me-keeping-photos-of-my-ex-wife-in-old-photo-albums.html

This article hits close to home for me. Granted, i’ve never remarried; but I am a divorcée . And as such, I was in a long-term relationship that followed my marriage; so the question of whether not to hang on photos from prior relationships has come up for me before.

I remember once when I was with The Auteur, she said to me “I hate the fact that you were married previously. I hate the fact that you were in a loving relationship before you met me.“

Now, there’s a sentimental part of me that understands where was coming from. She didn’t want to think that there was any other woman in my life other than her. Adding an ideal world, I would’ve wished for the same thing from her. But that’s just not very realistic. We all have histories and we all have a past.

As for the scope of this letter, I don’t think it’s necessary for the guy to destroy all the photos of his ex-wife; but I can understand his new wife not wanting them around. The thought that these photos were still sitting around in some albums somewhere in the house obviously bothers her, as it would/did for me.

In another connection from this letter to my life: The Auteur still had her wedding album. And I can even understand having those Photosin an album somewhere, my feeling on that always was “don’t have them out. Don’t have that book out on some bookcase in the living room where it is deemed still valuable that you have it widely available for everyone to see“my ceiling on that always was “don’t have them out. Don’t have that book out on some bookcase in the living room where it is deemed so valuable that you have it widely accessible for everyone to see”.

For the record, X and I never even got our wedding photos printed. We have the proofs of them, or I do that matter. I keep them now for The Kid. I figure that at some point, he might want some kind of momento of a time when his mom and dad were together. But the writer of this letter didn’t have children. He doesn’t even have that to use as an excuse.

What are your thoughts? Should a person who gets remarried get rid of/destroy their photos from the first wedding?

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