Rebuilding Rob

Winter sucks. I hate the cold weather. I hate the longer nights and shorter days. I hate the gloom. Hockey and basketball’s regular seasons just aren’t enough to even hold my interest. During the winter, I find myself counting down the days until spring training begins for baseball, or at least until college baseball begins again in mid February.

I don’t write a whole lot on here about bouts with anxiety and depression, mostly because I have had my anxiety pretty well under control for a long time. But there’s something going on with me this winter. I’ve been chalking it up to the fact that it’s winter and the weather sucks and I hate winter. Usually by now I’ve gone down to South Carolina once during the season, probably around Christmas or even New Year’s; even just to take kid 1 back to South Carolina after spending time up here in Michigan.

But it’s early February, and so far I have not gotten away from this God- awful weather that we have even once. In fact, the furthest away I’ve been this season was taking kid1 back to West Virginia to meet up with X 1.

But I can tell something is definitely happening with me. I would not call us a full-blown case of anxiety or depression. I’m not at a point where I find myself unable to leave the house. I’m not at a point where I’m just sitting in a room, crying or anything. But lately, things have just not been as enjoyable for me as they normally are.

And I know how that sounds. That sounds like I’m some whiny kid who’s struggling with growing up. And I’m not talking about adulting here. Adulting is adulting. It’s always going to be there. But I’m talking about the things that I like to do for fun things that are recreation for me. They are just lacking right now.

And I have to reiterate this again for anybody who might be reading me talk about depression and anxiety for the first time: there is a huge difference between being anxious and suffering from anxiety. There is likewise, a huge difference between “being depressed“ and suffering from depression. Anxiety and depression are not things that you can simply get over by “being happy“. When it’s mild, depression can simply bring you down. When it is more severe, it is paralyzing. I have had times where I couldn’t bring myself to leave the house, go to work, go to school, anything. Thankfully, I’m not that far along right now, but if things continue on this path, I could see it going there.

I’ve been talking to/dating two women and I’m at a point where I pretty much don’t even care anymore. They’re both cool, don’t get me wrong. They’re good people. But right now I feel like if I stop talking to one or both of them, I would probably be perfectly content.

I know a lot of this is just my normal reaction to winter. It sucks. It was winter time once semester in college when I felt depression manifest itself and me for the first time. I got to a point where I would not leave my apartment. I didn’t go to my classes. O the four I was enrolled in that semester, I ultimately dropped three of them, and I only hung onto one class by a proverbial thread.

For all I know, it could just be the time of the year. I’m trying to push through what’s left of this winter into spring. College baseball and spring training will be starting soon. Then always gets me in a better mood.

This could be me overreacting a little bit, but I am noticing myself starting to leave the house, only to return to double check if I unplugged certain appliances before leaving the house unattended. I understand that this could be just kind of a forgetful thing; but I also know that in the past, I’ve done this almost like an OCD reaction to my anxiety. I’m just trying to nip things in the bud before they get really out of hand.

For the first time, I’m toying with the possibility that I might need to look into changing my anxiety meds again. It seems like every couple of years I have to make a change.

I haven’t been to the gym and I don’t know how long now. Getting in the gym, working out, releasing those endorphins, I’ll help me feel better. I’m going to try to get back in there this weekend – maybe as early as tomorrow.

I’ve been wanting to make a trip down to South Carolina, but I haven’t even gotten in touch with kid too lately. One week from today starts my “midwinter break“ at work. I’ll have a week in which I will be off of school. If I was going to go down south, this would be the time to do it.

All I know is what I’ve been doing so far is not working, and I’m gonna start throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks.

Thanks for stopping by Rebuilding Rob. Be sure to like, 👍 comment and subscribe to my blog below. It’s greatly appreciated! Also, feel free to follow me on social media as well! Check out my most recent posts as well as some earlier, related posts:

• Sunday is borrowed time
• Teacher Armor and the Saturday Clearing
• The Extra Day: A Ten-Year Memory
• Of Training Wheels and Christmas Lights
• Charity Starts at Home (And I’m Back in My Childhood One)

The article“shrugging off the winter blues and anxiety” first appeared on Rebuilding Rob.