Rebuilding Rob

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Merry Go Rounds

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When we are very young, we like riding on merry-go-rounds. They seem harmless. They’re almost kind of relaxing. And some level when you were a young child, I think imagination kicks in, and the writer truly believes that they are writing on a horse. Then there’s Senior family waiting for you on the outside. Even though you zoom right by them, you know that you will see them again on the next turn. There’s a sense of familiarity in that.

But somewhere along the way, as we get older, go rounds, get boring – for the opposite of the reasons that I mentioned above. Our imagination dies. The right lacks excitement. And when we’ve read in a merry-go-round once, we know we’re going to see an experience with every turn. 

Here’s a name that has not graced the key strokes of this blog in many days: XST. The ex- school teacher.

I got a Facebook message from her on Friday night, while I was seeing Superman. (by the way, you can read my review of Superman HERE) Totally out of the blue, in fact. I think we exchanged a couple messages on her birthday in March. Beyond that, the last time we talked was about a year ago – which also happens to be the last time that we went out.

Here’s my dilemma with XST. I like her. I think she’s pretty cool. And I am attracted to her. The problem is, I went out with her twice. These weren’t consecutive dates either; they were several months apart. One and done. Both times, we went out once and then she ghosted me a few days later. From what I could gather on her social media posts, I think she got into a very serious relationship last year. Evidently that didn’t last and it seems like she didn’t take it very well.

In the past, I would be the hapless romantic who would have probably already asked her out this weekend. Veronica and I don’t have any sort of exclusivity with each other. But neither one of us has been seeing anyone else either. To be honest, I would like to keep it that way. 

The bigger thing with me is that I would be a fool to go out with this woman a third time. I mean, she ghosted me. Twice. honestly, I should’ve de-friended her after the last time this all went down. That’s what I did with Ro. After way, that Ro went off and that series of drunken text messages and phone calls, I knew that I didn’t want have anything to do with her ever again.

But herein lies my problem. The fact that I’m even talking about XST right now means that I’m actually considering going out with her again. Hell, I know that if Boss Lady called me up tomorrow, I’d out with her in a heartbeat.

I know exactly what would happen – for a third time – if XST and I went out. It’s like the merry-go-round. I know how this ride goes. I didn’t like it the first two times. And I don’t really feel like climbing on board again. Even if I were to ask her out – even if she were to say no – I think I wouldn’t look pathetic in her eyes. More than that. I think I would look pathetic in mine as well

We spoke Sunday afternoon, but didn’t speak again Sunday evening. For all I know, that may very well be the last time I hear from her, as she has always had this fate and fate out technique. We have not, as of now, addressed the proverbial elephant in the room. The subject of going out hasn’t even come up in our conversations yet. I feel like she’s waiting for me to ask her out. But I’m not going to bite.

I would like to know what happened. But I’m at a point where I don’t even want her to think that what she did, either time, hurt me. And I know that by talking about it, I would once again, be showing her my proverbial cards.

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The article: the “merry-go-round” first appeared on Rebuilding Rob

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