I’ve learned over the years to trust my gut—not necessarily because I always followed it, but because I spent so much time ignoring it, only to realize in hindsight that my initial instinct was correct. I’ve been working to close that gap between feeling and acting, giving my intuition the credit it deserves.
The Preponderance of Evidence
People often ask if there was a “straw that broke the camel’s back”—a single, cinematic moment where I finally decided to listen to myself. But the truth is more boring, and perhaps more profound: it was a preponderance of evidence.
When I look back at my divorce, or my relationship with my ex-fiancée, or even my most recent situation, the common denominator was always there. The red flags were waving from the start. I chose to ignore them, hoping things would change, hoping I could smooth the edges. But I’ve learned the hard way that, more often than not, people are who they are. Leopards never change their spots.
Trusting your gut isn’t always about taking bold action; sometimes, it’s about having the clarity to stop fighting.
The Power of Laying Down Your Arms
In my most recent relationship, I reached a point where I realized the fight was no longer worth it. I could have pressed harder, demanded more clarity, and laid all my frustrations—about the lack of intimacy, the lack of direction, the ambiguity of our status—on the table. I remember a conversation three months in, where I tried to find out where we stood, and was met with a dismissive laugh and a lukewarm “I’m not seeing anyone else.”
I wanted more, but in the end, I realized that “more” wasn’t coming. As Green Day sings in “21 Guns”, sometimes the most assertive thing you can do is “lay down your arms and give up the fight.” Walking away wasn’t a defeat; it was a realization that I deserved more than uncertainty.
This sense of clarity extends beyond the personal—it hits the professional, too. When I had that moment in the Chick-fil-A parking lot, realizing the order hadn’t been placed, it felt like the final piece of a ten-year puzzle.
For a decade, I’ve debated whether to pursue a master’s in education or English literature. I love the classroom, but I’ve realized something about my own nature: I don’t seek power, and I certainly don’t crave it. But when I detect an absence of genuine leadership, I will step into that vacuum. I’ve learned that “strength in gentleness” means being the one to address the elephant in the room and saying the quiet parts out loud when no one else will.
That realization in the parking lot wasn’t an impulsive whim; it was a revelation. I wrote about this incident in a previous blog entry “Of ice bags and admin certificates”.
We often talk about trusting our gut as if it’s an act of rebellion. Perhaps it’s simpler: it’s just giving our own wisdom and intelligence a little more credit. You usually know the truth long before you’re willing to admit it. The real work is just having the courage to finally say, “I see it, and I’m choosing myself.”
Speaking of moving forward, I’m putting the finishing touches on Episode 2 of the podcast, which will be dropping this Thursday, July 2
Rebuilding a life takes grit, consistency, and a lot of ‘Option C’ thinking. Having crossed the 1,000-day milestone, I’m now charting the territory beyond. The mission remains the same: No glitz. Just the work. New to the blog? Start your journey here to see the blueprint and the ‘Tricorder’ perspective behind the rebuild.
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The article “The Weight of Intuition” first appeared on Rebuilding Rob
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