My response to today’s daily prompt response The Life We Build got me thinking about my experiences living in South Carolina. For those who may be new to the blog, or just in case you need a timeline refresher: I lived in South Carolina from 2004 until my then-wife and I separated in 2012. In fact, it was that impending divorce and my return to Michigan that gave birth to this very blog.
I know I’ll tell random anecdotes about my time in “the Lowcountry” from time to time, but this morning, I’m thinking about the totality of that experience.
The Reality of the Move
X1 and I moved there for work. South Carolina wasn’t exactly on my bucket list, but I was offered a teaching position at a time when landing a job in a Michigan public school was a matter of pure luck. A lot of people talk about packing up their things, uprooting, and starting over in a new place. Not everybody actually tries it—and many who do eventually end up coming back home, just like me.
In a lot of ways, it would be easy to call my time in South Carolina a “failure.” Teaching didn’t go as planned; I was out of the business within four years (though I would return a few years later). My struggles with anxiety only intensified while I was there—which is natural when you physically remove yourself from your support network. I certainly wouldn’t have made it eight years if I didn’t have X1.
The Hardest Goodbye
The divorce was, thus far, the most gut-wrenching experience of my life. Even I could see the writing on the wall from a mile away. But the hardest part wasn’t the marriage ending; it was the fact that I was returning to Michigan while she and Kid 1 remained in South Carolina.
I know I returned to Michigan because I was underemployed, because I needed my support network, and because I could get back into teaching here much faster. But the day I left was the hardest day of my entire life. To leave a significant amount of my belongings behind in the home we built, to say goodbye to my child without knowing exactly when I’d see him again—this is something I don’t wish upon anyone.
I often wonder what would have happened if I had stayed—if I had tried to hack it, perhaps living out of my car, just to keep Kid 1 in my daily line of sight. It was a romantic, desperate idea, and in my darkest moments, it felt like the only “honorable” choice. But it would have been a lie. I was grieving, and I was running on empty. If I had stayed, I wouldn’t have been the father he needed; I would have been a shadow of myself.
Moving back to Michigan wasn’t an act of cowardice, even if it felt like a defeat at the time. It was the first real step toward the “100% Policy.” It was the moment I realized that being selfish—taking care of my own stability and my own career—was the only way I could ever truly be present for my sons.
The “South Carolina era” was just another slice of my life. It had its highs and lows, just as every other “era” does. I didn’t start drinking until I moved back to Michigan—that was the aftermath of the grief I had to process. It took me a long time to come to terms with it all. But like any grieving process, you walk through the steps until you finally reach acceptance.
The Lessons in the Lowcountry
And the truth is, the location didn’t really matter. Whether you’re chasing the sun in San Diego or rebuilding in the Great Lakes, the work is the same. You have to build your own warmth, and you have to have the audacity to choose yourself, so that when the people who matter look to you, they find you strong enough to hold them up.
This reflection on my time in the Lowcountry is the reality check to the “what if” fantasy I wrote about earlier this morning. You can read that post, “The Warmth We Build,” right here.
Rebuilding a life takes grit, consistency, and a lot of ‘Option C’ thinking. Having crossed the 1,000-day milestone, I’m now charting the territory beyond. The mission remains the same: No glitz. Just the work. New to the blog? Start your journey here to see the blueprint and the ‘Tricorder’ perspective behind the rebuild.
Today’s post is inspired by the WordPress Daily Prompt. While I’ve taken the topic in my own direction for the Road beyond 1,000 Days, you can find more responses to today’s prompt HERE.
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- The South Carolina Era
- The life we build
- The Art of Moving Slowly: A Field Report on Balancing Impulse and Perseverance
- Embracing the Chaos: Why Flexibility is the Foundation of Any Good Plan
- Weeding the Garden: A Lesson in Boundaries
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The article “ the South Carolina era“ first appeared on Rebuilding Rob.
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