As of this writing, it’s late Monday afternoon and I just had my final appointment with Lomax, my counselor. She is retiring at the end of the month. I was a little surprised by how it hit me, but quite frankly, as I was walking out, I got pretty emotional.
I’ve worked with Lomax for several years—with a brief hiatus in between—and she really helped me work through a lot of heavy stuff. How do you put a price tag on that? You simply can’t.
Heavy Lifting
For a long time, I really thought the fallout from things with X2 was going to drag me under. For a couple of years, I felt like that situation had a stranglehold on me, right up until I figured out one day that I was more committed to the idea of the relationship than the actual person. I honestly don’t know if I would’ve come to that realization without a professional in my corner. She just happened to be the right person in the right spot at the right time.
Intercepting the Spiral
When I first started seeing her, a huge part of our work was developing coping skills for my anxiety. I suffer from it—not all the time, and I manage it with a pill a day, but I’ve had days where it truly paralyzed me. My last really bad episode was a couple of years ago. Since then, I’ve gotten better at recognizing the early warning signs and keeping myself occupied before it spirals out of control. Looking back, while she didn’t hand me a magic formula, I don’t think I would have figured out how to intercept those warning signs on my own without seeking professional help first.
Famous Last Words
She gave me half a dozen referrals, including another counselor still in her office. I’m going to keep those numbers on hand, but I think I’m going to try to fly solo for a little while. I feel like I’m in a good place. I think I can do it. Are those famous last words? Maybe. But I don’t say that out of blind denial or a belief that I’m magically “cured”—I say it because of the actual work we’ve done, and the deep internal shifts I’ve logged and lived through over the last few years. Even though I’m tempted to at least reach out to one of the referrals just to have a safety net, I feel better at heart and emotionally than I have in a very long time—maybe ever. I’m battle-tested, and I think I’m good to fly on my own for a bit.
I’m going to need a little time to process all of this. It didn’t really hit me until the very end of our appointment—standing there thinking, shit, this is it. I suddenly felt bad, wondering if I should have gotten her a retirement gift. Even though I knew she was retiring, it honestly didn’t occur to me until that final moment that this was likely the last time I will ever see her.
How do you just say goodbye and walk out the door for the last time with someone who has been a steady, friendly ear through some of the most difficult, defining chapters of your life?
Rebuilding a life takes grit, consistency, and a lot of ‘Option C’ thinking. Having crossed the 1,000-day milestone, I’m now charting the territory beyond. The mission remains the same: No glitz. Just the work. New to the blog? Start your journey here to see the blueprint and the ‘Tricorder’ perspective behind the rebuild.
Today’s post is inspired by the WordPress Daily Prompt. While I’ve taken the topic in my own direction for the Road beyond 1,000 Days, you can find more responses to today’s prompt HERE
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