Rob Reviews: Online Dating Rituals of the American Male

Let me get a few things out of the way first:

I generally don’t like reality shows.  I’ve watched a season or two of “Survivor” and “American Idol” but they’re basically the same stuff year after year.  Having said that I absolutely love “Bar Rescue”.  I feel that the vast majority of “reality” shows are just camera rolling while people fight in the hopes of parlaying their appearance into an entertainment career.  Frankly, I have enough conflict in my life that I don’t need to see that of other people.  Then of course, there’s the question of whether or not reality television is more scripted than sitcoms and dramas.   My feelings about reality and the state of our society in general can best be summed up by this quote I once heard:  “In the past, we used to watch TV to escape reality.  Now, we watch TV to experience reality”.  

The Auteur is a big fan of Bravo’s phenomenally popular “…Housewives…” shows.  With the exception of “New Jersey” series, I don’t really pay much attention to these either.  However, one night I caught an ad for “The Online Dating Rituals of the American Male”.  Since I perceive myself to be something of a men’s advocate, i thought it would be remiss of me if I didn’t  give this show at least a passing glance.

I think that Bravo envisions itself as  an upscale version of Lifetime.  The so called “men” i see on this channel are either at best hard-core metro-sexuals and at worst relentlessly flamboyant homosexuals who make David Alan Grier  and Damon Wayans’ characters from the old “Men on Movies” skit from In Living Color look relatively macho in comparison.  In any case, virtually all of the men I see on this channel are nothing like real-life guys.

With that…

The series premiere of “Online Dating Rituals of the american Male focuses on Marcus, a 36 year-old divorcee who’s looking for his future wife and Alex a 27 year old self-described “Texas boy looking to get laid”- perpetuating the stereotype of the delusional ego-maniacal douchebag.

Some observations from episode 1:

  • These guys  seem a litte more down-to-earth that most of the people on Bravo shows.
  • The show illustrates the real-life concerns that come with online dating:  Is her on-line profile a reflection of their real-life self?   Trying to extract information, such as their age.
  • Alex is talking about his penis on the first date.  Classy.
  • the show’s bumpers are statistics about on-line dating; the first being “80% of online daters lie about their height, weight or age on their profiles.
  • in an interesting twist, the show included a text message exchanges involve the people featured on the show – both the guys and their dates.
  • we see a little but from the point of view of Marcus’s date.  She thinks they’re going out again.  Alex’s date has no such intentions.
  • Marcus gets a text message from a perspective date while he’s at work.  This is what I will say about on-line dating.  People who are online want to date and it seems a lot easier than going out and picking people up the old-fashioned way.
  • A therapist describes Alex as a “wanker”.  the show takes us through his various dates.  God, this guy’s a pig; and he’s obsessed with on-line dating.
  • Marcus dates a girl with whom he was scored as 10% compatible. He’s looking for quality.
  • The show drives home the theme that anything is possible with on-line dating.
  • Marcus has another date that is an absolute train-wreck.
  • Alex has a date with a woman who is out of his league. He needs to stop grabbing butts on the first date.  Somehow, she is receptive to this.
  • I didn’t want to like this show but 30 minutes into the 44 minute episode, i had already decided I would probably watch it again.


  1. First off, I’d like to say you need to take writing courses and your ex-wife was probably being sarcastic telling you to write again. And yes, most of you men are pathetic excuses for a living human being, so you are wrong about most men not being how they are portrayed on television. In fact, you being willing to watch the show again proves that you are very much a part of this population of men. I been around and seen down to earth men, even in LA, and these types are not it. You might also want to pick up a dictionary because these men are arrogant, pretentious, vain, conceited, and delusional and most of them not even that great looking, but down to earth? No. There is a reason why men like you are divorced or single and remain so, it’s because you deserve it and will most likely die that way; with par/fake looks failing and the little bit of brain you have left to go with them. In my experience, men like on that show don’t get very far without some type of humbling punishment that chops their ego in pieces and it usually comes in the time of their lives when they need love most or are having the time of their lives. And that quote sucks; this earth has declined so much you should have said just that. The people on this planet absolutely SUCK and it’s the devil and the evilness that fuels that. Respect for others and their differences are no longer, and today’ society has placed superficiality, materialism, arrogance, ignorance, and worst of all bigotry and hate on a pedestal. And since this is a man’s world, men can also be thanked for the downfall for our society since the time of Adam being as stupid enough to be persuaded by Eve to eat the fruit (lol don’t worry I have my gripe with women as well).

    Mark my words, from one writer to another, if you care anything about your unborn children, don’t bring them into this world; do them that favor. The ones you might already have, well I’m sorry but you didn’t do them any favors because anybody with half a brain and is realistic can see that this world is not worth living in; it truly declining as a piece of shit.


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