There’s an expression I’ve often seen on U.S. Marine Corps t-shirts: “Pain is weakness leaving the body.” (Or in this case, let’s call it fear leaving the body). Yeah, I know it sounds like some alpha-male BS, but I actually like the underlying sentiment.
Fear is a remarkable thing. It can keep us out of danger and stop us from doing something reckless. But at the same time, it’s vital to overcome the fears that hold us back. That’s what I’ve been trying to do lately, and it’s what I’m trying to instill in Kid Two as well.
I’m pushing him to branch out a little and test his boundaries. He deals with a lot of anxiety, to the point where even walking down a ten-foot hallway out of my direct eyesight can be a challenge. Of course, he’s young, so I’m not asking him to secure a beachhead. But I try to encourage him to push those small boundaries—to walk to the bathroom alone, to turn on a light switch in the dark. I talk to him the entire time to remind him I’m there. I want him to expand his horizons and realize he is capable of so much more than his anxiety tells him he is.
Because the flip side of fear is that it keeps you from taking chances. To some people, staying safe sounds great, but it also means you never give yourself a chance to grow.
The Currency of Confidence
Self-doubt, on the other hand, is a different kind of creature. It’s a paralyzing fear of failure, and it can be utterly crippling. Henry Rollins—one of my all-time favorite musicians—writes and speaks a lot about this. Self-doubt usually stems from a lack of confidence, and a lack of confidence stems from a lack of success. But once you attain a few victories in life, your confidence grows and that doubt begins to quiet down.
I think back to my younger days, during the old barhopping phase with my buddies. Out of the whole group, I was the guy who would actually walk up and “cold call” a girl—approach them, dance, ask for a number. I got rejected plenty, absolutely. But success breeds confidence. If you do it once and it works, you get the confidence to try again. Even if you get shot down the next time, you realize you’re still batting .500. You learn the ultimate truth: you win some, you lose some.
Public Speaking and Hard Reps
I had to learn that same lesson all over again when I decided to become a teacher. Public speaking is famously listed in surveys as a fear greater than death itself (my rationale has always been that if you die, at least you don’t have to speak in public anymore). Getting up in front of a classroom as a substitute teacher—putting on a performance with zero built-in credibility—was incredibly daunting. But just like approaching a stranger at a bar, it was something where you build confidence through small victories. Today, I don’t even think twice about giving a lecture.
I’m not going to pretend that I’m the most fearless guy walking the earth today. In fact, I have more than a few of my own deep-seated fears I still need to conquer. But my advice for dealing with fear and self-doubt is to constantly push yourself. Expand your boundaries.
Going for It on Fourth Down
One of my all-time favorite expressions—so much so that I’m considering having it tattooed on my body someday—is a line from Virgil’s Aeneid that translates to: “Fortune favors the bold.” Good things happen when you take a chance. And if it doesn’t work out? What have you really lost?
I think that’s the exact philosophy of Detroit Lions head coach Dan Campbell. When the Lions face a fourth-and-short, most coaches punt the ball to play it safe because they’re afraid of giving up great field position. But Dan Campbell goes for it. He does the exact thing his opponent never expects him to do. He believes in his players, and he acts with audacity.
Sometimes it doesn’t work, but quite often, it does. The entire league now knows he’s going to go for it on fourth down, but there’s really only one way to stop a person who refuses to play it safe.
Lately, I’ve been reminding myself that I need to take my own advice. Whether it’s weighing priorities to make a much-needed vacation happen, or finally bracing myself to have the tough, uncomfortable, and terrifying conversations we tend to avoid in our personal lives—you have to throw caution to the wind. You have to go for it on fourth down. Because staying frozen in fear ensures nothing changes, but fortune? Fortune favors the bold.
Rebuilding a life takes grit, consistency, and a lot of ‘Option C’ thinking. Whether I’m closing in on 1,000 consecutive days of blogging or reflecting on the decade of work that brought me here, the mission remains the same: No glitz. Just the work. New to the blog? Start your journey here to see the blueprint and the ‘Tricorder’ perspective behind the rebuild.
Thanks for stopping by Rebuilding Rob. Be sure to like 👍, comment and subscribe below. It’s greatly appreciated! Also, feel free to follow me on social media and check out my recent posts!
- The Lifelong Learner’s Pivot: From Carcass to Compassion
- The Field Test: Why This Time is Different
- The Laboratory of Change
- The Foundation: Rebuilding with the Four Pillars
- The Hard Years: Salvaging the Rubble
AI art created by Google Gemini
The article “Fortune Favors the 4th Down“ first appeared on Rebuilding Rob.
Leave a Reply