The Illusion of the “Better Half”
My guide? If I actually knew how to do this perfectly, I’d probably be in a happy, healthy relationship right now. But here goes…
First and foremost, do not let your happiness be defined by your relationship status. You need to be a complete, whole human being. All this talk about a “better half” is, frankly, ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong—I was once a hopeless romantic, too. I used to eat that stuff up. But time, and one failed relationship after another, has chiseled away at that illusion. I spent an 11-year cycle listening to a low, quiet hum, waiting for a realization that finally shifted my trajectory. I kept waiting for the world to change, but the real breakthrough happened when I stopped waiting for someone else to “get off the pot” and finally chose to stand on my own two feet.
I’ve come to believe that you live with someone not for them or because of them. A romantic partner should be exactly that: a partner. Somebody who accompanies you on the journey through life, not the be-all and end-all focus of your entire existence.
The 100% Policy
Always, always, always adhere to the 100% Policy. Do not, under any circumstances, settle for anything less than 100% of what you need in this life. To be fair, there is a difference between compromise with a lowercase ‘c’ and Compromise with a capital ‘C.’ A lowercase ‘c’ compromise is simple: she wants Italian, you want Mexican, so you end up eating Italian. That’s a trade-off. But selling out your friends, abandoning your family, or doing something that completely contradicts your character and your core being? That is a capital ‘C’ Compromise. The lesson here: it’s okay to compromise, but never Compromise.
Choosing Your Own Path
Of course, the 100% Policy swings both ways. If someone is not fully invested in you—if they aren’t “all in”—move on. And if your person isn’t checking off all of your non-negotiable boxes, end it. It took me four years too many to learn this lesson, but I am in a much better place now because I finally understand it.
The Reality of Impermanence
Remember that nothing is permanent. At the end of the day, all you have is you—and your kids, if you’re lucky enough to have them. I’ve known people who seemed madly in love for decades, only to end up divorced in a heartbeat. I’ve been in relationships myself that had amazing chemistry, only to end in a spectacular fallout.
The Power of Option C
Ultimately, the best way to summarize this is through one of my core pillars: Always choose Option C—choose yourself. No matter what decisions you make in this life, some people are going to be happy with them, and some people are going to be miserable. But the last person you want to disappoint is the one you have to look at in the mirror every single day.
Rebuilding a life takes grit, consistency, and a lot of ‘Option C’ thinking. Having crossed the 1,000-day milestone, I’m now charting the territory beyond. The mission remains the same: No glitz. Just the work. New to the blog? Start your journey here to see the blueprint and the ‘Tricorder’ perspective behind the rebuild.
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The article “The Empire of One: Why I’m Choosing Option C” first appeared on Rebuilding Rob.
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