What’s a common misconception people have about happiness?
I had to Google “myths about happiness” to prepare for this. It’s a bit meta—thinking about our own internal weather patterns and trying to determine what is actually true. But one misconception stood out: the idea that happiness is the default human setting.
The Myth of the Default Setting
I wrote recently about an educational psychology professor who taught us that feelings are neither negative nor positive; they simply exist. Just as we experience happiness, we inevitably encounter the “negative” spectrum.
We are conditioned to believe that if someone isn’t happy, something is broken. But nobody is happy all the time. Being human is about experiencing the full gamut. In fact, if someone were constantly happy, I’d be genuinely concerned for their mental health. Modern society, fueled by social media, perpetuates this myth. We are obsessed with putting our “best foot forward,” making life look like that song from The Lego Movie: everything is awesome.
Finding Meaning in the Contrast
The truth? If happiness were our default, it would be meaningless. It is the contrast—the heartache, the anger, the longing—that makes happiness so special. The positive things in life lose their luster without the negative ones there to anchor them.
A Tangible Moment of Risk
At the risk of sounding like I view every aspect of life through the lens of relationships, I’ll share a moment from this past week. I met a woman—let’s call her Sierra—four or five years ago online. We chatted, but the timing was off. Back then, I was younger and looking for “options.” I put too much stock in immediate, electric chemistry, believing that if I didn’t feel a lightning strike right away, the connection wasn’t there.
Sierra stayed on my periphery for years. We remained friends on social media, bonding over shared political interests. Last season, she reached out with a generous, out-of-the-blue offer: she had a surplus of Tigers tickets and didn’t want them to go to waste. I ended up at four or five games at Comerica Park, all free, thanks to her.
Recently, I sensed a shift in her social media posts. We started a conversation on a political thread, shifted to our everyday lives, and she mentioned she was “enjoying the single life.”
This time, I didn’t want to just be “options.” I wanted a real connection. I realized that my previous approach—waiting for an instant “vibe”—might have caused me to miss something real. Maybe feelings develop over time; maybe depth isn’t something you find, but something you build.
So, I went for it. I expressed my gratitude for those games and asked her out. She was receptive. We have plans to meet up tomorrow.
I’m sharing this because it’s a tangible moment of happiness for me. This isn’t a “reboot” of a past relationship; it’s an evolution. I’m being honest about what I’m looking for, and I’m setting my sights realistically. I’m cautiously optimistic.
This is the risk-reward reality of being human. I’m taking a leap, trying to shift a long-standing acquaintance into something more meaningful. But like that character in Dirty Harry who finally asks, “I gots to know,” I’m in a position where I have to find out. I can’t spend the rest of my life asking “what if.”
The Courage to Feel Everything
The risk of being disappointed is exactly what makes the prospect of a “yes” feel so electric. Without the potential for the negative, the positive would have no pulse. Happiness isn’t the default—it’s the hard-won reward for having the courage to feel everything else in between.
Rebuilding a life takes grit, consistency, and a lot of ‘Option C’ thinking. Having crossed the 1,000-day milestone, I’m now charting the territory beyond. The mission remains the same: No glitz. Just the work. New to the blog? Start your journey here to see the blueprint and the ‘Tricorder’ perspective behind the rebuild.
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AI art created by Google Gemini, based on a photo by me
The article “The Audacity to Feel Everything” first appeared on Rebuilding Rob.
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