Fate, Free Will, and Timing

Do you think everything happens for a reason?

It’s a pretty loaded question. I’m reminded of the scene in The Matrix where Neo talks to Morpheus and explains that he doesn’t believe in fate because the very existence of fate eliminates the possibility of free will.

Watch this at the 1:43 mark

Asking whether everything happens for a reason really boils down to that fundamental friction: Do you believe in fate?

Personally, I do feel that things happen for a reason. I also happen to believe in parallel universes, where every possible decision plays out in an infinite number of ways—meaning, in a sense, we still exercise free will. But right now, I’m living through a situation that makes the concept of a grand design hard to ignore.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, look at where I am with Sierra. We originally crossed paths on a dating app nearly seven years ago, right around the time of my second-to-last breakup with X2. Back then, paths crossed, choices were made, and life took us in entirely different directions.

If I were to snap my fingers and magically go back to connect with Sierra back then, part of me wonders what would have happened. But the honest truth? Where Rob was in 2019 and 2020, I simply wasn’t ready. I thought I was, having already navigated failed long-term relationships and a marriage, but I wasn’t as equipped then as I am now. If we had gotten together back then, she probably would have put up with me to a point—much like she later put up with her last ex. Honestly? I would probably just be him. I would have filled that exact same role.

I had to go through the wringer of the last six years. I had to live through that final, fiery train wreck with X2—think of the locomotive plunging off the incomplete bridge at the end of Back to the Future Part III—to get to where I am today.

The difference now comes down to intention. Six or seven years ago, I would have driven straight into the honeymoon sensation, leaning entirely on the passion and chemistry of the moment. And yes, those things matter—they have to be there—but you can’t build a real relationship on hormones and a sex drive alone. I’ve been there, and I’ve done that. I know it doesn’t work.

This time around, I proceeded with much more caution and intent. The craziest thing about this relationship is that Sierra has been matching me step-for-step on that front. Because we both lived through our own respective wringers, we aren’t chasing a quick dopamine fix. We are building something on a solid foundation.

When we recently reconnected—sparked initially by a mutual exchange over Detroit Tigers tickets and social media banter about our kids—it didn’t take long to realize why nothing happened seven years ago.

So, as frustrating as it is to look back and realize I turned down the right person years ago just to take one more detour into a train wreck? Yes, it all happened for a reason. It had to happen to put us in the exact mindset, maturity, and space we occupy today in 2026.

I’m human, and I make mistakes—but I generally don’t make the same mistake twice. Our ships missed each other seven years ago, but I’m not letting her pass me by this time.

That brings me back to The Matrix. If you sit back and make no choices, events will simply unfold and map out your destiny for you. But if you are proactive? Yes, some things still won’t go your way, but others finally will—and you make sure you grab them when they do.

Speaking of fate versus free will, the latest episode of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds drops on Paramount+ today. Captain Pike has spent the series grappling with the shadow of his predetermined future, which makes the whole question of destiny pretty hard to ignore. Check back at 10 AM for my full episode review.

Rebuilding a life takes grit, consistency, and a lot of ‘Option C’ thinking. Having crossed the 1,000-day milestone, I’m now charting the territory beyond. The mission remains the same: No glitz. Just the work. New to the blog? Start your journey here to see the blueprint and the ‘Tricorder’ perspective behind the rebuild.

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The article “Fate, Free Will, and Timing” first appeared on Rebuilding Rob

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