One day, shortly after Jabba and I separated, The Old Man called me out to his Man Cave. It was his garage, but he had put a TV, a couch and a fridge out there. At the time, I was back living my parents. I had no job, no car and no money and I was ready to start using the George Costanza line from Seinfeld episode “The Opposite”. I know I’ve talked about this one before…
The Old Man asked me to bring out a pen and a notebook – something that I was going to keep. He gave me the following directions:
- Create a list of goals – on where I want to be in five (5) years
- On a separate page, create a list of things I need to accomplish in four (4) years in order to reach the aforementioned 5 year goal.
- On another page, he told me to create a list of things I need to accomplish in three (3) years in order to reach the 5 year goal.
- On yet another page, he asked me to create list of where I want to be in two (2) years, in keeping with the 5 year goal.
- On a final page, he asked me to write down where I want to be in one (1) year, again keeping in mind the 5 year goal.
I specifically remember him saying that these lists were for me, not him. But he wanted to know that I would be okay; that I would have some goals and direction. He wanted it written down because he didn’t know if he’d be around in 5 years to see if I accomplished what I was setting out to do.
I logically understood what he meant when he said all of this. I just never actually thought he would be gone in less than three years of this conversation.
On his own blog, the actor, writer and self-professed geek Wil Wheaton wrote about a life reset. This is the story of mine.
Shortly before the holidays, I made the decision not to make a trip down South to see The Kid for the holidays. I could have pulled it together. Mother would have certainly helped me finance it. But I haven’t been working much lately to help contribute financially to my own family, and making one situation slightly, momentarily better with The Kid didn’t seem worth rocking the proverbial boat with my own family. Of course, I didn’t want a repeat of The Perfect Storm. Most of all, I felt like my life needed a good old-fashioned ass kicking. I’m hoping that that ass-kicking starts here:
The List of Rob
This was going far beyond a hokey New Year’s Resolution that would be forgotten before Groundhog Day. This was to be a multi-faceted look at my life – what works, what doesn’t work, where I am, where I want to be, where I’m going and how I plan to get there.
Without getting into too much detail – out of respect to the parameters I set down upon the creation of this blog – I broke this list into ten distinct areas:
- Me & The Auteur
- My family (me, the Auteur, 1B, The Kid & The New Guy)
- My relationship with The Kid
- Dealing with Jabba
- Health & Wellness
- Mending Fences
- The Future
There are action points listed under each of these categories but again, respecting the parameters of this blog, I will not get more specific here.
I’m still working on some of the details on certain parts of this list, but I am focusing a little bit on everything. I’m not saying everything is going to magically be better by 2018, but the truth is, there are many areas of my life with which I am not happy. There are other that I would like to see improvements. Then there are others still that like all good things in life, need maintenance. But this is the most comprehensive self-assessment I’ve ever made – including the list The Old Man had me make nearly five years ago.
People often lament about the things in their life that they want to change. Some even use that blanket statement “I really got to get my shit together”. The List of Rob is not only about getting my proverbial shit together. It’s about keeping it together, and putting the tools in place to keep it together for the long haul.
I’m going to be 43 later this spring. I’m not a kid anymore. I’ve lived most of my life day-by-day and for the most part, it has worked out pretty well for me. But things could be better. Of course, there are some things that will not work out for me, no matter how hard I try – areas of my life in which I will inevitably fail, but I’m tired of just going with the flow; being reactive instead of proactive..
Oh, and speaking of that list The Old Man had me make, like any list of the sort, there are things I accomplished on it and others I didn’t quite get to. But the things that I personally deemed very important, I did.
I weighed myself yesterday. 198. I literally cannot remember the last time I weighed less than 200 lbs.
Personally, I love Planet Fitness. I love the “Judgement-Free Zone”. I love the Lunk-Head alarm. I love the inexpensive monthly rate. I love the incredibly flexible hours of operation – with their higher-traffic locations open 24/7. And I love the fact that my local PF gym is/was absolutely immaculate.
The atmosphere at Planet Fitness is what got me going to the gym on a regular basis. I started regularly working out at PF a few months after moving back to Michigan. I wanted to get myself into better shape. I wanted to feel better; and yes, I wanted to look better. I appreciate the fact that people of all ages, shapes and sizes are not only welcomed at PF but are the majority of their clientele.
Not only do gyms rats not run the place at PF, they are almost the object of ridicule. Sirens are sounded and flashers are lit the moment anyone clangs weights together or grunts excessively. This is all a part of making the average person feel welcome and accepted at PF.
The author of the above article strikes me as a disgruntled gym rats, who – for once in his life – was the subject of ridicule during his first, and presumably his last, visit to Planet Fitness. I will meet the author halfway on one point: I don’t like bullying and I don’t like one person alienating another for any reason. Why can’t PF be all gyms to all people? Why not include more free weights? Maybe even in a separate area?
When I was working out on a regular basis, I found myself starting to feel more like a gym rat and less of an average joe. Had I continued going, I may have even “graduated” to more of a hard-core free-weight traditional gym.
The fact is, Planet Fitness works for me. It is cheap, clean, and comfortable. During my time there, I found myself getting in better shape, building muscle, eating better and most of all feeling better about myself. I have never felt comfortable in the traditional muscle-head gym so I never went to one. Maybe the gym rates should follow the same advice when it comes to Planet Fitness.
I just got back from my first work-out in well over 1 month and it felt pretty good! I didn’t go crazy; in fact, I erred on the side of caution for most of my sets. I probably spent a good hour there. It was just what not only my body, but my mind needed today.
My doctors office also called, again. This time they called to tell me the results of my blood work: my liver enzymes have returned to normal! I guess finding an alternative to Tylenol for headaches, and more importantly, going sober are finally starting to pay off.
In all seriousness though, my sobriety has already paid off in many ways. I’ve been losing weight despite the fact that I haven’t worked out in over 1 month. I do feel clearer in my head; more in touch with my thoughts and feelings. Up until this 48 hour film bullshit, things have never been better between The Auteur and I.
I feel focused, energized. I’ve been orbiting this whole “rebuilding” phase for over a year now and I feel like things are finally starting to come together for me. I feel like my Perfect Storm is just over the horizon.
As of now, all is quiet on the western front – as far as legal proceedings are concerned. I would be shocked if the STBX didn’t get served this week. I just want done. I’m not anxious or scared about it; I just want to move forward.
Last week, I finally started working out at Planet Fitness. I can understand why the place is as popular as it is. They market themselves as “the judgement-free zone” and I can truly say it is the most relaxed, non-intimidating experience I’ve ever had in a gym. I’ve woke up a little bit sore the first few times I went, but not enough to discourage me from going back. In fact, I think I’m on the verge of establishing the gym as a habit. So far, it is totally worth my $10 monthly fee.
Okay, I admit it: I wanna look good. I wanna lose my gut. I wanna develop some muscle tone. I wanna feel good too. And yes, I’d like to see some results before I see the STBX again. I want her to see that not only am I doing “just fine” but also that I am prospering in The New Normal.
One thing I continue to have trouble with is sleeping. It’s not because I miss sharing a bed with the STBX. When it’s dark and quiet, my mind starts wandering. When I do sleep, it’s usually out of pure exhaustion.
More than anything, I think about my Son at night. I think I miss him far more than I even consciously realize. More than ever, I’m thinking about talking to a counselor again. If I do it, I’m gonna have to go before I lose my insurance.
- The Dark Knight Trilogy (Batman Begins / The Dark Knight / The Dark Knight Rises) [Blu-ray] (2012) $24.99! (shortandsassydivadeals.com)
I got a pair of e-mails from the paralegal who’s working with my lawyer – regarding the separation of me and the STBX. That’s a good thing. I was getting ready to call them after finally getting a receipt from them in the mail earlier this week.
I just made a doctor’s appointment for tomorrow. I’ve been getting these headaches on an almost daily basis. It could be sinuses; they could be stress; they could be both. What I do know is that they’re frustrating and I’m hoping to get some answers tomorrow.
I’m willing to bet that other people have health issues in the aftermath of a divorce. I’m sure my bizarre sleep schedule isn’t helping me any.
- What Lawyers Really Think of Paralegals (recoveringparalegal.wordpress.com)
Yesterday, I finalized my plans to make a trip to my old stomping grounds. I have a few things at the house I’m going to pick up; but best of all, I’ll be bringing my son up North to spend a week with me before he starts kindergarten in 3 weeks.
ONE MORE THING: I didn’t mention in my first post, but I’ve been walking almost everyday since I’ve been back home. Now I just need to start watching what I eat.