it was 12 years ago today…

I thought I had it all figured out.  That is, I thought I knew  what i was going to write about today.  I even started drafting an “open letter to the soon-to-be-ex” that I would post today.  For those of you who don’t know, today is me and the STBX’s twelfth anniversary.

In the 15 weeks since we’ve separated, my feelings have gradually evolved from love to hate. Hurt has turned into anger.   And now, finally, I am beginning to experience indifference.  It occurred to me when I was talking to my son tonight.  After getting off of the phone for the second time today, I cried a bit.  Then it hit me.  I miss my son and it hurts like hell not being with him – this much I already knew.  However, I am no longer feeling hurt by the STBX or the end of our marriage.   I’ve said all along that all that matters to me is my son.  With each passing day I realize, bit by bit, just how true that is.

Nothing else I do or say will capture my mood or feelings of this moment, so I’m not going to even try.

“What is past is prologue” – William Shakespeare

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