Sometimes you see stuff like that in a movie—like that 90s flick Sliding Doors where a split-second difference sends a life down two entirely separate parallel tracks—and at the time, you don’t really understand the significance of it.
We were just talking about where we were at during the COVID lockdowns, and Sierra is actually the one who pieced the timeline together. We got to talking after we went to dinner on our first date and inadvertently put together the timeline of when our proverbial ships passed each other six years ago. I had just split up with X2, though we decided to give it another shot shortly after. Sierra and I had talked a couple of times back then, even discussed potentially going out, but never made plans. Instead, I got back together with X2, and shortly after that, Sierra got together with her ex—who I’ve been referring to as “the meathead”—and they were together for roughly five years.
Now, we’d had a couple of drinks in us, but I saw this weird kind of smile come over her face when she said, “That’s what happened with us.” It was one of those kind of sad smiles. But I was getting the sense that she was thinking the same thing I was at that moment.
I understand that I needed those six years to become the person that I am today. I needed to have my one last go-round with X2 in order to realize why we broke up in the first place. I needed to date a half-dozen other people. I needed to go through my experience with Veronica—nearly 18 months together with somebody who was either commitment-phobic or really had no intentions of taking anything further. I had to experience all of this in order to become the person I am today, and I had to go on this journey on my blog to get to where I’m at now. And who knows, I can’t speak for her, but maybe Sierra had to go through what she went through with the meathead in order to figure out that that’s not enough for her anymore.
I’m grateful that her and I are at the spot that we are now, and we seem to be syncing up very well and gelling. But I fear that one day, if she ends up being the one, and if this relationship has any real staying power, I fear that years from now I may look back and wish to God I could’ve gotten those six years back. More to the point, I would wish I had those six years with her. Hell, in a way I already do.
I know I’m in a much better place now than I was even three and a half years ago when I started the thousand-day journey with this blog. I’m in a much better headspace than I was six years ago. I know I needed that stuff to happen to me. But damn. So much time wasted with people who quite honestly weren’t worthy of my time or attention. It’s frustrating to think about.
Dating in your 50s often feels like being a character in a post-apocalyptic movie—just out here scavenging on the barren plains, looking for signs of life. At 52, I’m coming to the realization that I probably don’t have very many more of these budding, potential romances left in me.
Sierra actually lives about 45 minutes away from me. For a first date, I generally drive out to wherever they live so they can be close to home and as comfortable as humanly possible. But for tonight, Sierra actually offered to head up my way, and even went ahead and ordered the tickets for the movie we’re seeing. She wants to see me.
Frankly, I’m not really sure what the hell she sees in me, but I like her, she seems to like me, and I’m gonna go with it. At the end of the day, I listen, I’m a good conversationalist, and I know how to eat with a fork. I’m just trying to put my best foot forward without falling all over myself to impress somebody. And if the bar out there is as low as it seems, that just makes it all the better for me.
In spite of everything, I still believe that I am going to meet somebody to share the last quarter—or so—of my life with.
Rebuilding a life takes grit, consistency, and a lot of ‘Option C’ thinking. Having crossed the 1,000-day milestone, I’m now charting the territory beyond. The mission remains the same: No glitz. Just the work. New to the blog? Start your journey here to see the blueprint and the ‘Tricorder’ perspective behind the rebuild.
Today’s post is inspired by the WordPress Daily Prompt. While I’ve taken the topic in my own direction for the Road beyond 1,000 Days, you can find more responses to today’s prompt HERE
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The article “The Math of the Last Six Years” first appeared on Rebuilding Rob
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