There’s an old saying that things come in threes. You hear this a lot, particularly when it comes to celebrity deaths. And while I don’t know if it’s necessarily true, there are a few things I subscribe to the “they come in threes” theory.
Below is a clip from the 1994 Ken Burns documentary Baseball. In it, legendary Negro Leagues player and overall ambassador to the game Buck O’Neill talks about the unique sound of a ball connecting with a bat, unlike any thing he had ever heard at any other time in his life. Check this out:
Mr. O’Neill was an absolute legend. He was a literal walking timeline of the history of baseball. He’s one of those people that I wish I could’ve met and just had five minutes alone with. All I needed to have heard from him was one story about the history of baseball. I would’ve sat there like a sponge, just completely mesmerized by his words, by his cadence, by his gestures, trying to soak up every detail. But I digress.
Anyway, the point of this clip is that O’Neill discusses this one unmistakable crack of a bat—one that didn’t sound like any other connection he had ever heard between a bat and a ball in his lifetime. And for a guy who made baseball pretty much a cornerstone of his entire life, that’s saying a lot.
In a whole lifetime of watching baseball, a guy like Buck O’Neill only heard that one sound a rare few times. In life, true connection works the exact same way. There are things you only experience a handful of times—things that stay with you forever because you know you’ll rarely, if ever, encounter them again.
There’s a popular theory that’s being batted about right now on social media. I first heard about it on TikTok—I know, as if TikTok is the source of all knowledge and wisdom in the universe, right?
Anyway, the theory states that we fall in love three times in our lives:
- The first time: An innocent, almost more intense form of love because it’s entirely new.
- The second time: When we’re a little older, wiser, and learning something deep from the wreckage that affects us in ways the first one didn’t.
- The third time: The one that lasts. The one where we are fully actualized, possessing all the tools, emotional intelligence, wisdom, and maturity to be fully invested.
Stay with me here. I’m going somewhere with this.
Some people would argue that “I love you” is the most powerful sentence in the English language. I have some other thoughts on that that I’ll save for another post. But to me, even more powerful than saying or being told that you love someone is feeling it.
For just the third time in my life, this past Friday night, I experienced “the look,” as I’ve been referring to it. Sierra and I were together, in bed, getting a little frisky. When in that moment—both of us naked and in each other’s arms—I saw her look at me in a way that I’ve only seen two other people look at me in my life. Those two other people are X1 and X2.
If you’ve ever experienced “the look,” you know what I’m talking about. You’re sitting there with someone, naked, literally completely exposed. You see the way they look at you—not with a frantic fire, but with a deep, steady passion. In that moment, you know that you are the center of the entire universe. You see the way they smile at you, and you deal with the realization that they are completely happy simply because of you.
I’m not going to sit here and say that the phrase “I love you” or the physical act itself aren’t relevant. They are. They make life a lot more worthwhile. But at the end of that nuance, that specific situation of “the look” is something I’ve only experienced with two other people.
Now, lumping Sierra into the same thought as X1 and X2 may be, in some circles, a kiss of death. But nevertheless, those moments and those feelings with both of them were absolutely real. X1 and X2 are part of my past now, but experiencing “the look” with both of them will be etched into my memory forever.
Looking back, the contexts couldn’t have been more different. With X1, I was struggling to get my anxiety and depression under control, and unfortunately, it leaked into our relationship. With X2, I wasn’t fully recovered from the fallout of my divorce, and I landed in a dynamic with a narcissistic partner where it felt like an endless, no-win trap no matter what I did.
With Sierra, it’s a completely different landscape. We’re both at a place where we have the experience, we know who we are, and we know what we want in a partner. We’ve both been through a lot, we have plenty in common, and we’re moving with absolute intention. People love to toss around the phrase “no drama”—as if anyone’s life is truly devoid of it. Life is drama. What people are actually looking for is someone who keeps their personal chaos under control and doesn’t let it overrun everything else. We’ve both let all the niceties, second-guessing, and armor fall by the wayside. We’re just letting each other know how we feel.
I’m not ready to declare the whole playbook yet, but ironically enough, I’m sitting here willing to share this with all of you readers. That is the irony of being Rob, I suppose.
The truth is, I’ve always wanted to stop hiding and drop my guard. I’ve just been waiting for the right person to come along. Because of my experiences over the past decade and a half, I’ve been more guarded, more protective, and frankly more judgmental than I ever was before.
But I think Sierra is the real deal. The armor is finally cracking, and for the first time in a very long time, I’m putting all my stock into this right now.
Related: For more on where we’ve been and how we got here, check out today’s daily prompt, The Geography of a Rebuild
Rebuilding a life takes grit, consistency, and a lot of ‘Option C’ thinking. Having crossed the 1,000-day milestone, I’m now charting the territory beyond. The mission remains the same: No glitz. Just the work. New to the blog? Start your journey here to see the blueprint and the ‘Tricorder’ perspective behind the rebuild.
Today’s post is inspired by the WordPress Daily Prompt. While I’ve taken the topic in my own direction for the Road beyond 1,000 Days, you can find more responses to today’s prompt HERE.
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AI art created by Google Gemini (Sierra is way hotter than that 😉)
Their article “The Look” first appeared on Rebuilding Rob.
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