What’s one thing you know now that would have saved your younger self a lot of pain?
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This is an easy prompt for me. In fact, it’s a topic I’ve written about on this blog many times over the years.
There’s one truth I know now that would’ve saved my younger self a mountain of pain: you have to become the right person before you can find the right relationship.
For decades, I operated under the assumption that I needed a partner to be happy, mistakenly thinking that someone else could fill the empty spaces in my life. It took extended time single following my divorce and the end of a long-term relationship—plus the usual chaos of dating—to finally give myself room to get to know me again.
Looking back now, I realize that learning this wasn’t a single lightbulb moment. It took two specific relationships to serve as the final pieces of the puzzle before I was truly ready for the life I have today.
The first piece was Jessica, about three or four years ago. I wasn’t happy, and deep down, I knew it. When I stepped back for a few days to think, a quiet realization hit me: I was significantly happier and more at ease without her in my life than with her. For the first time, I broke up with someone outright, without waiting for things to implode. That brief pause gave me a taste of true freedom. What I did with my evening was entirely up to me—whether that meant the gym, Star Trek reruns, a baseball game, or an early bedtime. Breaking up was liberating because it taught me that my own company was peaceful, not a compromise. I started choosing “Option C”—choosing myself.
The second piece was “Veronica.” What started as casual turned into an 18-month relationship that was comfortable, but ultimately stagnant. Somewhere around the time of the Barenaked Ladies concert back in the summer of 2025—a night I wrote about in “The Last Night of the Last Summer on Earth”—I knew I wanted more. When I tried to talk about our future, it fell on deaf ears. When she went out of town and never reached out, I quietly let it go. Deleting that entire texting history felt like erasing 18 months, and while I was disappointed in my own judgment at the time, that quiet fade served a purpose: it proved I was no longer willing to settle for breadcrumbs when I was capable of giving—and receiving—so much more.
Which brings me to Sierra.
Sierra and I actually met online seven years ago. Sometimes I catch myself wishing I could turn back the clock so we could have started our story sooner. But as I sat down to write this, the truth hit me: if we had tried back then, I wouldn’t have been ready for what we have now.
I had to go through the lessons Jessica and Veronica taught me. I had to learn how to stand on my own two feet, how to protect my peace, and how to value myself before I could truly show up for Sierra.
With Sierra, there are no games, no bullshit, and no settling. She knows exactly who I am, I know who she is, and we are building a life in the exact same direction. She isn’t just where I landed—she is my happy ending.
If you aren’t right with yourself, no partner can fix that for you. But once you do the work to become a whole, independent person, you finally become ready for the person who completes the picture. As I’ve said before, Sierra and I are history in the making.
Rebuild a life takes grit, consistency, and a lot of ‘Option C’ thinking. Having crossed the 1,000-day milestone, I’m now charting the territory beyond. The mission remains the same: No glitz. Just the work. New to the blog? Start your journey here to see the blueprint and the ‘Tricorder’ perspective behind the rebuild.
Thanks for stopping by Rebuilding Rob. Be sure to like 👍, comment and subscribe below. It’s greatly appreciated! Also, feel free to follow me on social media and check out my recent posts:
- Becoming the Right Person: The Final Pieces of the Puzzle
- Why I Blocked This Movie From My Memory
- Rob Ranks: Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, season 2
- Beating the Bell
- Out of the Woodwork
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The article “Becoming the Right Person: The Final Pieces of the Puzzle” first appeared on Rebuilding Rob.
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