What’s something you’ve forgiven but haven’t forgotten?
View all responses
Forgiveness is more of an internal, personal thing. It’s about letting go of whatever anger or hostility you have toward someone who wronged you so you can actually move on. Carrying that level of resentment in your heart is just plain draining.
But forgiving somebody doesn’t mean you forget what they did to you.
The clearest example of something I’ve forgiven—but will never forget—was the circumstances under which X1 and I divorced . At the time, I was underemployed. I was working and making some money, but not enough to really get by. On top of that, I was just starting to seek professional help for my anxiety and depression, trying to get a grip on my mental health as it was falling apart.
Don’t misunderstand me: that marriage had to end. I am not even mad or angry at X1 about that. Our marriage had been on life support for a long time, and we were only fooling ourselves. But I was at one of the lowest points in my life when she told me, “I want a divorce.”
And as I said, I understand. I understand why. I had to get myself right, and neither one of us was in a place where we could emotionally support the other anymore. But still, for me, it has been—and probably always will be—the principle behind it. Or more to the point, her timing.
My dad used to say that there’s never a good time to have car trouble. I’ve ended up using that as an analogy for so many things in life ever since. I use it today because it reminds me that there is never a convenient time for an earth-shattering, life-altering moment to take place. If there were, it wouldn’t be so earth-shattering. You don’t sit around and say, “Yeah, my wallet’s a little fat this week, I can handle my transmission blowing out.” Life just doesn’t work like that.
I know that hitting rock bottom is part of the process for people dealing with substance abuse, and hell, maybe it’s the same for mental health. Maybe I needed to hit rock bottom and reach the lowest of my lows in order to start clawing my way back to some sense of self-worth. If I could go back and talk to my 2012 self, I’d tell him: “You may think this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to you—and even from where I’m standing now, it’s still one of the worst things that ever happened to us—but the one good thing about hitting rock bottom is that things can only get better from there. And things are going to get better for you from here on out.”
I even told X1 a few years ago that I didn’t blame her anymore. I told her that back then, I didn’t even know what I was dealing with regarding my anxiety and depression—and if I didn’t understand it, how could I have expected her to know how to help me through it?
What I didn’t talk about back then, though, was the hardest part of it all: leaving South Carolina to move back to Michigan while Kid 1 was still down there with X1. It absolutely devastated me not seeing him every day. I knew right then that because of the divorce, my relationship with him was going to be irrevocably different. The truth is, I still carry guilt about it. I hate that it happened to him, and I feel like his childhood was the biggest casualty of our marriage ending. There is just no way to put that toothpaste back in the tube.
And yet, in some weird, honest way, I take a little solace in the fact that X1 never really found another serious partner after me. Maybe that sounds spiteful, but I own it. I remember her telling me once—while we were still together—that her mother told her, “You’re never going to find another guy who is as good to you as Rob is.” Even back then, she acknowledged her mom was right. So yeah… I take a little quiet pride in that.
I’ve forgiven the end of it. I had to. Carrying around that level of anger was just too heavy, and for a while, it almost ate me alive. I went through my dark phase back then—drinking way too heavily, engaging in self-destructive behavior, and just trying to survive the wreckage. Eventually, I realized that holding onto that hostility wasn’t punishing X1; it was just keeping me trapped in the dark. I had to let it go so I could start clawing my way back to the light.
I’ve made peace with the outcome. I’ve forgiven X1 and perhaps even more importantly, I’ve forgiven myself.
But I’ll never forget it
Rebuilding a life takes grit, consistency, and a lot of ‘Option C’ thinking. Having crossed the 1,000-day milestone, I’m now charting the territory beyond. The mission remains the same: No glitz. Just the work. New to the blog? Start your journey here to see the blueprint and the ‘Tricorder’ perspective behind the rebuild.
Thanks for stopping by Rebuilding Rob. Be sure to like 👍, comment and subscribe below. It’s greatly appreciated! Also, feel free to follow me on social media and check out my recent posts:
- Learning to Forgive Myself
- A Throwback to Liberty City: Why I’d Choose the Lawless Fun of GTA 3
- Plan B for the Heart: The Power of Personal Options
- “A Friend in Need is a Pest”: How Age Reshapes Loyalty
- Rob’s Retro Review: Rocky (1976)
AI art created by Google Gemini
The article “Learning to Forgive Myself“ first appeared on Rebuilding Rob
Leave a Reply