Category Archives: music

Changes

Changes by Tupac

Come on come on
I see no changes. Wake up in the morning and I ask myself,
“Is life worth living? Should I blast myself?”
I’m tired of bein’ poor and even worse I’m black.
My stomach hurts, so I’m lookin’ for a purse to snatch.
Cops give a damn about a negro? Pull the trigger, kill a n****, he’s a hero.
Give the crack to the kids who the hell cares? One less hungry mouth on the welfare.
First ship ’em dope and let ’em deal to brothers.
Give ’em guns, step back, and watch ’em kill each other.
“It’s time to fight back”, that’s what Huey said.
2 shots in the dark now Huey’s dead.
I got love for my brother, but we can never go nowhere
unless we share with each other. We gotta start makin’ changes.
Learn to see me as a brother ‘stead of 2 distant strangers.
And that’s how it’s supposed to be.
How can the Devil take a brother if he’s close to me?
I’d love to go back to when we played as kids
but things changed, and that’s the way it is

[Bridge w/ changing ad libs]
Come on come on
That’s just the way it is
Things’ll never be the same
That’s just the way it is
aww yeah
[Repeat]

I see no changes. All I see is racist faces.
Misplaced hate makes disgrace to races we under.
I wonder what it takes to make this one better place…
let’s erase the wasted.
Take the evil out the people, they’ll be acting right.
‘Cause both black and white are smokin’ crack tonight.
And only time we chill is when we kill each other.
It takes skill to be real, time to heal each other.
And although it seems heaven sent,
we ain’t ready to see a black President, uhh.
It ain’t a secret don’t conceal the fact…
the penitentiary’s packed, and it’s filled with blacks.
But some things will never change.
Try to show another way, but they stayin’ in the dope game.
Now tell me what’s a mother to do?
Bein’ real don’t appeal to the brother in you.
You gotta operate the easy way.
“I made a G today” But you made it in a sleazy way.
Sellin’ crack to the kids. “I gotta get paid,”
Well hey, well that’s the way it is.

[Bridge]

[Talking:]
We gotta make a change…
It’s time for us as a people to start makin’ some changes.
Let’s change the way we eat, let’s change the way we live
and let’s change the way we treat each other.
You see the old way wasn’t working so it’s on us to do
what we gotta do, to survive.

And still I see no changes. Can’t a brother get a little peace?
There’s war on the streets and the war in the Middle East.
Instead of war on poverty,
they got a war on drugs so the police can bother me.
And I ain’t never did a crime I ain’t have to do.
But now I’m back with the facts givin’ ’em back to you.
Don’t let ’em jack you up, back you up, crack you up and pimp smack you up.
You gotta learn to hold ya own.
They get jealous when they see ya with ya mobile phone.
But tell the cops they can’t touch this.
I don’t trust this, when they try to rush I bust this.
That’s the sound of my tool. You say it ain’t cool, but mama didn’t raise no fool.
And as long as I stay black, I gotta stay strapped and I never get to lay back.
‘Cause I always got to worry ’bout the payback.
Some buck that I roughed up way back… comin’ back after all these years.
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-tat. That’s the way it is. uhh

[Bridge ’til fade:]
Some things will never change

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inspiration from a guilty pleasure

“Roar”

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar

Now I’m floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’ll hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar…

Ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’ll hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar…

A question of trust

This is definitely uncharted territory for me.

I know I haven’t been in very many relationships in my life, but this is the most insecure I’ve been in any relationship I’ve ever had.  Not once, not for on second, did I ever question the STBX, or doubt that she loved me, or questioned her fidelity. But then, I also look at how that relationship turned out…

I don’t feel very confident or secure in my relationship with The Auteur. The field she’s going into is overwhelmingly dominated by men. She works and attends classes almost entirely with guys. There are at least three of them that I know of who had feelings for her and are all too willing to express said feelings. To be honest, I’ve seen some of the guys she works with. There’s a part of me that says “if she goes after one of those losers, let her.” They’re dip-shits. They’re nerds. They’re fat, ugly, movie geeks. Besides, I SATISFY her.

And yet, she doesn’t trust me. When I went to a local bar with Sis a few weeks back, she asked me point-blank if I was going there to meet somebody; this on a day when she made a day-trip with a girlfriend of hers and their 2 daughters.

Granted, I do have one strike me in this regard. Very early on in our relationship, I responded to an e-mail I received through http://www.match.com. I wrote back to this other woman, and it was all innocent enough. This other woman turned out to be a friend of The Auteur’s . Through casual conversation about their match experiences, they realized they were talking about the same guy…me. She denies it, but to this day, I’m convinced that it was a set-up.

The night she found out about it, she called me some pretty horrible things. To put it another way: the only other women who have ever called me such things are no longer a part of my life. Even now, I’m still a little shocked I managed to save this relationship over the few days that followed.

Maybe that’s why I don’t trust her. She doesn’t trust me. I’ve always felt that people who don’t trust you are like that because they have something they themselves are holding back. She doesn’t trust me; so I guess I assume that I shouldn’t trust her either.

I’m sure my impending divorce has a lot to do with it too. The events of the last 12-18 months have jaded me in ways that I just beginning to understand. I’m not a real firm believer in love right now. Hell, I’m not a real firm believer in much anything these days.

This crap with her ex (I call him Mr. Slate) has me second-guessing things too. Their divorce was supposed to be finalized this month. Now he’s just stalling. To make matters worse, she’s getting ready to take part in the local 48 hour student-film project again this year. Just like last year, Rhino is probably going to be THE major financial contributor to the project. He’s got a really good job and no life outside of it; so there’s plenty of money for him to burn. If our roles were reversed, The Auteur would be LIVID at the thought of the STBX being a major benefactor to a project I was working on.

What the hell did I get myself into here? Is this crazy? Am I the crazy one? Am I being too insecure, or was Kurt Cobain on to something when he sang “just because you’re paranoid don’t mean they’re not after you”?

it was a good day

This video always reminds me of Sunday mornings.

I haven’t written anything in over a week at least nothing that’s ready for posting yet. I’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately: thinking about my son and the STBX. But last night and today was much different. Either i’m starting to settle in, or my sleep schedule got so out-of-whack that I’m naturally starting to sleep again at night.

A big reason I haven’t written lately is because i’ve been so caught up in the Tigers games as the regular season has turned into the postseason. I’d normally be a little bummed that my Dad didn’t get playoff tickets this year; but it’s been so cold, and I’ve been so “off-kilter” that I don’t really mind.

I spoke to my son tonight. It was only a 5 minute conversation; but unlike most times we talk, I never got the feeling either one of us was sad at the end. I didn’t the urge to get out and walk. Thoughts of the STBX did NOT run through my head. It was just a good, albeit brief, conversation. Last night was even better. We talked for about 15 minutes and it was the most engaged he’s been in a phone conversation with me yet.

Are we both turning the proverbial corner? Are we getting used to the new normal? The second of my two classes finally met yesterday, and i definitely feel like I’m transitioning back into school quite nicely. In any case, I’m grateful to finally have a few distractions in my life right now. I still need to get out and socialize more, but I’m glad with how things are starting to go for me lately.

At the same time, I don;t want to forget how angry I am with the STBX, or how much it hurts to not be in my son’s everyday life. That anger and hurt motivates me. It motivates me to take care of what I need to do here so I can get back to South Carolina.

That, and a deep run in the postseason by the Tigers will make this winter a lot easier to endure.

Just because it has been…

because it’s so true…

Just because…

from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kanyewest/golddigger.html

Gold Digger
(feat. Jamie Foxx)

[Jamie Foxx]
She take my money when I’m in need
Yeah she’s a trifling friend indeed
Oh she’s a gold digger way over town
That dig’s on me

[Chorus:]
(She gives me money)
Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger (When I’m in Need)
But she ain’t messin’ with no broke niggas
(She gives me money)
Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger (When I’m in need)
But she ain’t messin’ with no broke niggas
Get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
Get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
Get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
Get down girl gone head

[Verse 1:]
Cutie the bomb
Met her at a beauty salon
With a baby Louis Vuitton
Under her underarm
She said I can tell you ROC
I can tell by your charm
Far as girls you got a flock
I can tell by your charm and your arm
but I’m looking for the one
have you seen her?
My psychic told me she have an ass like Serena
Trina, Jennifer Lopez, four kids
An I gotta take all they bad ass to show-biz
OK get your kids but then they got their friends
I pulled up in the Benz, they all got up in
We all went to Den and then I had to pay
If you fucking with this girl then you better be payed
You know why
It take too much to touch her
From what I heard she got a baby by Busta
My best friend say she use to fuck with Usher
I don’t care what none of you all say I still love her

[Chorus]

[Verse 2:]
18 years, 18 years
She got one of your kids got you for 18 years
I know somebody paying child support for one of his kids
His baby mamma’s car and crib is bigger than his
You will see him on TV any given Sunday
Win the Superbowl and drive off in a Hyundai
She was suppose to buy you shorty TYCO with your money
She went to the doctor got lypo with your money
She walking around looking like Michael with your money
Should of got that insured got GEICO for your money
If you ant no punk holla we want prenup
WE WANT PRENUP! Yeah
It’s something that you need to have
‘Cause when she leave yo ass she gone leave with half
18 years, 18 years
And on her 18th birthday he found out it wasn’t his

[Chorus]

[Verse 3:]
Now I ain’t saying you’re a gold digger you got needs
You don’t want your dude to smoke but he can’t buy weed
You got out to eat and he cant pay you all can’t leave
There’s dishes in the back, he gotta roll up his sleeves
But why you all washing watch him
He gone make it into a Benz out of that Datson
He got that ambition baby look in his eyes
This week he mopping floors next week it’s the fries
So, stick by his side
I know his dude’s balling but yeah that’s nice
And they gone keep calling and trying
But you stay right girl
But when you get on he leave your ass for a white girl

Get down girl go head get down
Get down girl go head get down
Get down girl go head get down
get down girl go head
(lemme hear that back)

from the lioness’s den

“Home is where you hang your hat”
Daniel LaRusso
The Karate Kid, part II

I’m blogging this morning from South Carolina.  My stomping grounds of the last eight years.

Two days ago, I made the trip down South to pick up my son for a week-long visit and to hopefully, tie up a few of the proverbial loose-ends with the Soon-To-Be-Ex.    I can’t even find the words to describe how happy I was to see my son again.  It’s only been one month; but some of those days felt like weeks.  My time with him has been an absolute blast so far.  To her credit, the STBX has stepped back and allowed us as much father-son time as possible while I’m in town.  The next week in Michigan is going to be pure, unadulterated fun.

Walking into my former home for the first time was surreal.  I blogged previously about how “you can’t go home again”.  In that instance, I was talking about returning to your childhood home.  I think that’s a sensation that almost every adult can relate to because, to paraphrase The Breakfast Club, we all ultimately grow dissatisfied with our home life; otherwise, we’d live at home forever.

What I’m talking about this morning is a feeling only divorcees can relate to.  I knew the my STBX  was going to be “cleaning house” in order to either make room her father to move in, or to pare down and move out of the state.  But when you call a place home, have a direct hand in the arrangement, configuration and overall spirit of said home – only to return finding it moderately altered – you truly realize that it is no longer the place where you once laid your head at night.  Granted, a large part of the void I felt was a result of our dog having to be euthanized within days of me moving out.  This feeling goes beyond the lack of any of my personal effects.  The most subtle changes, a new light fixture or a slight rearrangement of furniture reinforced the feeling that this was no longer my home.

I had several hours alone at the house today, during which I was packing my remaining personals. With all of these new feelings swirling within me, there were a few fleeting moments when I felt as I had during the last few months that I was still living in The House.  For the lack of a better word, I felt as if I was a guest in my own home, again.  This didn’t feel like home now and  it certainly hadn’t felt like home for the last few months I was here. This has only reinforced in me the idea that this whole separation/divorce thing is for the best.

LET’S END WITH ANOTHER VIDEO:

I heard this song several times on my way down here.  While I can’t pretend to be a big fan of the Rolling Stones,  but the chorus is hitting home with me: “you can’t always get what you want  But if you try sometime, you just  might find You get what you  need”

goin’ down South

It’s on.

Tonight, I booked airline tickets for both me and my son – so I could get him back to South Carolina after spending a week with me.  So, this trip down South is as set-in-stone as it’s going to be.

Got a free drink at the bar tonight.  The bartender claims it was because one of the waitresses went to get her own drinks, so they had an extra beer.  Whatever, in any case, free Bud Light is free Bud Light. I told my drinking partner (my sister) that it was because I was talking to the bartender earlier and she liked me.  Yeah, right.

A SIDE NOTE:  Flattery will get you everywhere with me.

Whitesnake came on the radio  earlier today and it reminded me of Old School, particularly the “Frank The Tank” character.  While Will Farrell is hilarious in this movie, his character has a pretty heavy back-story by the end; he is a divorcee who is trying to put his life back together – something I can relate to.

I don;t really know what this blog is supposed to be – I’m making it up as I go.  I certainly never intended to link to a You Tube video everyday, but here goes:

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