flipping the script

As the calendar creeps ever-closer to Halloween, it has occurred to me that I need to start making travel plans for the holidays, either for my son, myself, or for both of us. About a month or so ago, I suggested to the SBTX that we alternate visitations for Thanksgiving and Christmas – as most divorced families do.  She was okay with it, and that was the last we said about it.

Last night, my son called me crying.  Sobbing actually, asking me to “come home” because he wants to see me.  I explained to him that I needed to talk to his mom about that very thing.  He was pretty worked up and tired so he got off the phone.  Since I’ve been looking into making a trip to South Carolina sometime in November, I decided to call the STBX a little while later.  She seemed okay with me making a trip down next month, but somehow we got on the subject of lawyers, and how neither one of us have been served papers yet.   Like most conversations with her, this one left me frustrated.

IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE: I‘ve been saying to my family for the last several weeks that I didn’t think the STBX had filed any papers with her lawyer.  In fact, I’ve begun to doubt if she even retained a lawyer as she claimed.

As these thoughts weighed heavily on my mind, I decided to e-mail my attorney.  I asked him straight-out Where do I go from here.  Thursday morning, they e-mailed me saying they hadn’t heard from the STBX’s attorney.  The e-mail also included papers for me to sign so that I can file for the divorce.

ANOTHER SIDE NOTE: Before I moved out of the house in South Carolina, we had discussed how we were going to proceed with the separation and divorce.  Initially, we had agreed to a no-fault divorce.  She wanted to go through a lawyer she had chosen. I told her there was no way I was doing anything without my own representation. She resisted this idea, saying that two lawyers would make this a “contested” divorce and it could get expensive and “messy” in her words.  When I suggested we could go my lawyer (the one I ultimately retained) she vehemently refused arguing that she was “the one who had been wronged” and insisted on filing the divorce herself.  

Back to the present:  Since nothing has been filed yet, I have the opportunity to “flip the script” (as the kids would say) on her.  The only reasons I could think that she wouldn’t have filed are:

  • she didn’t want to spend the money
  •  she never thought I would leave in the first place

I’ve stated on here before that I don’t see us ever getting back together.  For me to even consider reconciling with the STBX, our relationship would have to undergo a seismic shift; not only in what our relationship currently is, but also what it once was.  I would not and will not consider returning to the status quo.  Frankly, I don’t forsee such an event occurring.  Furthermore, i haven’t even given it the notion very much thought.

In any event, this is an unexpected development.  One that I wasn’t prepared for.  This could make for a bumpy holiday season.

Stay tuned.

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