Turning 40 – The Things You Learn | GQ

Food for thought.

Turning 40 – The Things You Learn | GQ.

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Enter…The New Guy

the-new-guy-500x330

You didn’t expect me to post an actual picture of him, did you?

This post should have come much sooner than this, but as anyone who has had a child knows, life tends to get in the way sometimes; that and I wanted this post to be just right.

The New Guy – my second child and me & The Auteur’s first together – was born at 8:06 AM on Friday July 3, 2015 via Cesarean section.  As of this writing, he and The Auteur are doing great.

To put my feelings into words right now seems like an impossible task.  I cannot possibly do justice to all that I am thinking and feeling at this moment.  But I will do my best…

I feel incredibly blessed.  Blessed to have this beautiful, healthy child and blessed to be having this child with The Auteur.  She’s such a remarkable person that falling in love with her was the easy part.  The fact that she and I met at all is almost a miracle unto itself.  That she fell in love with me and was wiling to have a child with me almost defies logic.

In all seriousness, I feel that The New Guy, as with all things pertaining to mine and The Auteur’s relationship is a gift.  One that I  do not – and will not – ever take for granted.

My God, he is beautiful.  The Auteur and I made a beautiful baby together, if I may say so!

Thanks to modern technology, the Auteur and I anticipated approximately how big he was going to be (which, after hearing the sizes of other newborns at our hospital no longer seemed all that out-of-the-ordinary.)  He wasn’t overweight, mind you; he was proportionately big all over, long and tall…for a newborn.  As a result of his size, he came out with a lot of bruising.  The doctors said it was because he was cramped inside the womb.  It was funny, because shortly after he was born, one of the nurses looked at me and said “Congratulations, you guys just gave birth to a two-month old!”

Even on the day he was born, I could tell that he has a very mellow disposition.  Don’t get me wrong, he can belt out a great cry with the best of them, but he seems to take everything in stride.

Being a father is different the second time around.  Not better, not worse, just different.  I feel better prepared this time.  I feel like with The Kid, I was able to enjoy every sensation of his birth and those first few days of his life; however with The New Guy, I was able to enjoy every moment with a different sense of perspective.  I feel like I was able to enjoy different nuances of every moment that I couldn’t even process when The Kid was born 8 years ago.  It is a feeling that is very difficult to articulate.  I suppose it’s like bring in The Matrix:  no one can tell you what it feels like to become a parent, once has to experience it for themselves.    To that end, no one can tell you what it feels like to become a parent once again.  That too, one has to experience for themselves.

This adventure is just starting.  No doubt I will be telling of it more in the days, weeks and months ahead, but one last thought I’d like to leave with:

Just as it was with The Kid, there really are no instruction books on having children.  The moment when we were leaving the hospital to take The New Guy home was surreal.  Sure we had his room, his swing and his bottles all ready for him, but that moment of leaving the hospital and coming home for the first time  with The New Guy in tow – I assume is not unlike the first step one takes when they are skydiving.  We really are out here – in the world – on our own. These little ones don’t come with instruction books.

Not that I didn’t already know that…

 

15 Heart-Melting Images of Dads Meeting Their Babies for the First Time

15 Heart-Melting Images of Dads Meeting Their Babies for the First Time.

I found this on this Father’s Day Eve. As a very soon-to-be expecting father, this resonated with me.  This is a moment I have been looking forward to myself since we found out the The auteur and I are expecting.

Top Ten Things Divorced Dads Need to Realize | Joel Schwartzberg

This one is an oldie but a goodie

 

Top Ten Things Divorced Dads Need to Realize | Joel Schwartzberg.

The Human Bomb

No explosive punches here, but sometimes i feel like a Human Bomb of sorts too.

No explosive punches here, but sometimes i feel like a Human Bomb of sorts too.

I haven’t written much lately.  Frankly, I  haven’t had a lot to say.  But the other day, I was in a weird funk; something I’ve written about before but has weighed heavily on my mind:

I turned 41 about a-week-and-a-half ago.  I lost The Old Man two-and-a-half-months ago.  Needless to say, it has me thinking about my own mortality. A LOT lately.

I am The Human Bomb.

Of course, I’m not suggesting that I am the World War II era comic book character, or his modern day successor.  But like Captain Picard says in “Star Trek: Generations”  I’ve come to realize that I most likely have fewer days ahead of me than I have behind me.  And that sucks.

The Old Man was 67 when he died.  That means if I live no longer than he did, I have about 26 years left on this Earth.  That scares the hell out of me.

I’m not dying or anything.  Hell, I’m not even sick.  I feel better than I have in a long time.  Aside from the time I was working out a couple years ago, I probably feel the best I’ve ever felt in my life.  The truth is, I feel like I’m just getting started.  Divorce is the great reset in 21st century American society and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.  i want A LOT more than 26 more years with The Auteur and the family that we’re building together.  There’s just so much I still want to do in this world.

I’m reluctant to use the expression “mid-life crisis”.  I’m not about to get a sports car.  I’m sure as Hell not about to leave my family.  But maybe it’s time I start on my Bucket List and crossing things off of it.

Men After Divorce: In Touch With Feelings – ABC News

Men After Divorce: In Touch With Feelings – ABC News.

This is a somewhat cliched “men have feelings” piece, but I was fascinated to hear that nearly in nearly two-thirds of American divorces, it is the wife who files.

The stat about  divorced men being eight times more likely to commit suicide than divorced women is always a little disturbing, but not news to me.

Oh, and for the record, in my case, Jabba said she wanted a divorce first; but I was the one who actually filed for it.

Divorced people are more likely to have heart attacks: study – NY Daily News

Divorced people are more likely to have heart attacks: study – NY Daily News.

An interesting read.  i would have assumed that the heart attack risk for men goes up regardless – simply because more men seem to have heart attacks than women…but this does make sense.

3 Reasons Divorce Is Harder On Men Than Women

I don’t ever agree with any generalizations and frankly, I don’t agree with the majority of the reasons in this article.  The first reason could not be further from the truth in my case.  On the contrary, I feel that I actually regained my identity after my separation/divorce.  The second reason – about a man’s parental instinct being challenged – is absolutely true.  As for the third reason – not being allowed to grieve properly – again is another generalization based on how men are expected to behave or supposed to behave – and did not apply to me.

3 Reasons Divorce Is Harder On Men Than Women.

Any opinions?

Columnist: 5 reasons marriage doesn’t work anymore

I think this article raises some great points about social media and technology in general – and the ways in which they affect our lives – but the  divorce rate has been in the rise for the last few decades already.  Social media hasn’t singlehandedly killed marriage, it’s only exacerbated problems that already existed for many people.

Columnist: 5 reasons marriage doesn’t work anymore.

Your thoughts?

Curtain call

1827c7a031f35969995f85b7b4344215Monday is Opening Day in Detroit – that is Opening for the 2015 Major League Baseball Season.

Opening Day is something like a holiday in Detroit – as I’m sure it is in many, if not most, Major League cities.  Over the last 2 decades, it has become something of a tradition in my family as well.  Back in 1998 (or was it 99?)  My Dad started purchasing a partial season ticket package for the Detroit Tigers.

For the Tigers, as I assume it is with other teams, even the 21 game partial season ticket packages have included tickets to Opening Day.  So every year, either The Old Man, Phred, LeRoy, myself – all of us and/or our significant others have attended every Opening Day since.  In fact, when I moved Down South during My Previous Life, I told my parents”If I only make it home twice per year, it will be for Christmas and Opening Day”.  During my 8 years there, I probably made it home for as many Opening Days as I did Christmases.

At the risk of sounding melodramatic, baseball is the great unifier in my family.  My brother, sister and I (and to some extent, my father before his passing) don’t have a whole lot in common.  We don’t all agree on politics and religion is basically a taboo subject among us.  But baseball –  Detroit Tiger baseball more specifically – is something we all enjoy.  Its one of the few things we all have in common and we all enjoy.

Last year was the last Opening Day my father ever saw.  I am happy to no end that I was able to be there with him.  I am all-the-happier still that The Auteur was able to be there with me and experience Opening Day.  Obviously, tomorrow will have a much different feel.  It will be the first Opening Day without The Old Man.  It may be the last Opening Day I attend for some time.  My siblings and I haven;t discussed whether or not we’ll keep getting season tickets for the Tigers beyond this year.  This could be the end of a tradition, in more ways than one.

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